Everyday single parent finances: long-term planning

On a recent morning, as I was driving my six-year-old son to summer day camp at the local YMCA, he said to me:

"Mommy, you need to learn science or math so you can get a job that pays better and we will have more money. You need a new job."

Now, let me just preface this by saying I'm not typically one to take the advice of a first grader. But my son's comments in this moment stopped me in my tracks as they were particularly sage.

To put this in some context, he and I had been engaged in a discussion about the fact that Mommy is a writer and he wondered why I'm always working, yet we never seem to have much money.

My son's view of life and his belief that, with a little effort and perhaps a little studying or continuing education, one might be able to change their life circumstances was not entirely lost on me. In fact, my wise little six-year-old's comment was perfectly timed for the topic I had already been planning to write about for this post.

Having a long-term plan is important for everyone, really. But it's especially critical for a single head of household.

Single parents bear an enormous amount of responsibility that falls entirely on their shoulders. That responsibility is not distributed between two people as it may be in other households. As the sole breadwinner, chauffeur, dishwasher, dinner-maker, and nighttime storybook reader, it's so easy to become overwhelmed by the day-to-day struggle of simply getting everything done that we rarely have the energy or time to rise above the grind and think about the bigger picture or perhaps set our sights on the distant horizon.

A typical day, week, or month in my life, for instance, is filled with so many deadlines, community commitments, and chores that I flop into bed at night exhausted — only to get up at 5 am the next morning and do it all over again.

I often wonder what will change over the long term to improve my circumstances. Marrying a prince, perhaps? (If only Meghan hadn't already snatched Harry, right?) My royalty prospects clearly dashed, the reality is there's a nagging voice in my head in the form of a friend who said to me a few months ago over coffee: "What are you doing to improve your long-term prospects?"

With such perplexing challenges in mind, I reached out to a variety of experts to discuss the topic in more detail, identifying what single parents should be thinking about with regard to long-term financial (and life) planning and why it's so important.

Family finance expert Catherine Alford was the first stop on my wisdom-gathering mission with regard to long-term planning.

Alford helps women, moms especially, improve their money confidence, and one segment of the population that particularly benefits from her counseling is single moms.

My discussion with Alford is one I won't soon forget. Her insights were eye opening in ways I found unexpected and refreshing.

"We live in a culture that characterizes single parents, especially single moms, as struggling. So, that's the mindset many single parents carry with them and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy," began Alford. "It just becomes this overwhelming rhetoric. For a lot of the women I speak to, it becomes a part of them. It's rare to say 'I'm a single mom and I earn so much I'm killing it.'"

This thought alone caused me to pause and think deeply. Have I been carrying around the wrong mindset all this time?

"I encourage single parents to work on their mindset," Alford continued. "It's so powerful when a single mom starts to believe in her own abilities and starts earning so much that she doesn't need to worry or rely on a check from her ex."

Okay, I thought. Fair enough. But how do you put mindset into action, I asked Alford. What are the tangible steps to be taken after I hang up the phone today?

Her specific advice was that single parents must focus on career advancement — and that doesn’t always have to include spending a small fortune on continuing education or a graduate degree. Rather, she says, practice asking for raises, become irreplaceable, and increase your income to a point where you're able to rely only on yourself.

"I'm a huge proponent of making sure you're in a career that has the potential for growth and regularly asking for raises, not necessarily waiting for an annual review," added Alford. "This is very important."

RELATED: How to ask for a raise

Single parents who may often have to leave work to due to childcare issues or parenting responsibilities might not feel worthy of asking for a raise, Alford noted. It's time to banish those thoughts.

"Keep a record of all the great things you do at work, write it all down, so that you have a compelling reason to ask for that raise," said Alford.

And when those nagging thoughts about whether your workplace is taking you seriously creep back into your head, remind yourself of the following parting statement from Alford:

"I am powerful. I am working. I do a great job and I manage all of these things," said Alford. "To me you are the best candidate for a raise because you manage it all, despite all of the stress of your situation."

Can we all say it together: Amen, sister!

One of my favorite inspiring single moms is Kaywanda Lamb, also known as The Winning Single Mom.

When Lamb and the father of her two children parted ways years ago, she found herself alone and in debt. She realized that in order to support her sons on her own, she'd need to take matters into her own hands — no matter how hard it was.

Over the years, Lamb's career has grown from being a teacher to also include writing, blogging, and coaching single moms far and wide. She also regularly hosts conferences and has been invited to speak to audiences across the country.

Lamb is a walking example of the potential of long-term planning. All of these accomplishments can be tied back in some way to the fact that long ago, Lamb created a life plan, detailing a vision for what she wanted her life to look like, rather than just going with the flow and letting life happen.

In Lamb's case, that effort also included going back to earn a master's degree by attending classes at night. It's an accomplishment that she says ultimately helped her earn more money.

When asked about long-term planning tips for single moms now, Lamb stresses the importance of two things — insurance and investing.

Insuring yourself as a single parent is incredibly important, said Lamb, because if something happens to you, it will protect your children so that they don't have to worry.

"My grandmother used to say to me, 'You have to prepare to die as well as prepare to live,'" explained Lamb. "If something happens to me, I'm still taking care of my care of my kids. You are not leaving a burden on your family."

Your long-term efforts should also include investing for your future, said Lamb, whether that's in the form of a 401(k), a 403(b), or some other retirement vehicle. Lamb also recommends using apps such as Acorns or Stash that help you invest spare change, putting your extra pennies to good use.

"As single parents, we need to stop saying, 'One day, when we have enough money...' We have to use what we have now to invest," said Lamb. "Start with $20 a month."

One additional consideration when it comes to long-term planning: Don't neglect educating your children about money. Set them up to be knowledgeable about personal finances.

RELATED: Teaching kids about money

"What's knowledge if we keep it, and our experiences, all to ourselves?" says Cleo Childress, a single mother, business owner, and creator of CLEO Yoga Finance. "As parents, we must learn from our financial mistakes, share them with our children, and teach them how to be financially successful."

Schedule a monthly meeting with your kids to share your own financial stories, the good and bad, said Childress. Use it as a teaching moment so that they'll be equipped to make wise financial decisions during the course of their lives.

"There is power in sharing your experiences," said Childress.

Change doesn't happen overnight. I'm still not the stellar long-term planning role model I'd like to be. But I have managed to make some proactive moves with regard to investments and retirement planning.

And the seed has been planted with regard to the many other things I'll do moving forward. But I believe Alford, who I'm profoundly grateful to have discovered, said it best.

"It's not a one-day transformation," Alford said. "It's about making decisions over the course of a day, week, and lifetime and deciding you are somebody who can handle all of the things you need to. There is no such thing as a perfect day, every day. But you can learn about money if you want to. You can switch careers if you want to, and you can ask for a raise if you want to."

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In addition to being a busy single mother Mia Taylor is an award-winning journalist with more than two decades of experience. She has worked for some of the nation's best-known news organizations, serving as a metro reporter for The Atlanta Journal-Constitution and covering local government for the San Diego Union-Tribune. Taylor holds a graduate degree in Journalism and Media Studies and during her master's degree studies won a prestigious fellowship to study journalism at the San Diego affiliate of National Public Radio. She has won numerous journalism industry honors, including five awards from the North American Travel Journalists Association. She was also part of a team of reporters who won a 2011 Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence in Journalism.