On 7 October, Hamas killed 1,400 Israelis and kidnapped about 200 more. Since then, Israel has blockaded Gaza and killed more than 8,000 Palestinians. Simultaneously, a war rages on in Ukraine; the citizens of Maui attempt to rebuild after deadly wildfires in August; and Turkey repairs from earthquakes in February that killed over 60,000.
All of this comes on the heels of a pandemic that has, so far, killed almost 7 million people.
Thousands of us have been affected directly by disastrous events, and the grief, loss and trauma that accompany them. But even for those not directly affected, exposure to continuous tragedy can have emotional consequences that are difficult to manage. Still, complete withdrawal isn’t a moral choice. So how does one respond to the world’s chaos in a way that is socially responsible – and that preserves mental wellbeing?
Bear witness
Bearing witness is important. “You can only make change if you understand what the problem is. And so learning about atrocities in the world is the only way to prevent more atrocities from happening,” says Monica Amorosi, a licensed trauma therapist in New York City.
But there is a caveat. The more overwhelmed we are, the less helpful and effective we become, Amorosi explains. It can seem selfish to pause when there is so much suffering. “While I understand that perspective, our physiology doesn’t care,” she says. “So as hard as it is for people to grasp, we do need rest. Rest allows regeneration, which allows for more intentional choices for change.”
Talk to the people around you
When crises happen far away, it can be easy to forget the impact we can have at home by simply talking to people around us, like our friends and family. Depending on the topic and the parties involved, these conversations can be emotionally charged. But when undertaken with care, an in-person conversation can make a bigger difference than a social media post.
“Knowing if and when to engage in a difficult conversation with a loved one is really personal,” says Sadie Salazar, the clinical director at Sage Therapy in Chicago. Salazar says it’s important to check in with yourself first and see whether you have the bandwidth to engage in a particular conversation. “This is especially important for people who hold intersecting/marginalized identities or are being impacted by world events in a way that your loved one might not relate to.”
Next, Salazar says it’s helpful to be clear about what you’re trying to achieve with a conversation. Are you looking for support and connection, or to have a dialogue about opposing views? Communicate this intention to the person you want to talk to, and see whether they seem able to engage. You’ll know that your loved one is receptive, Salazar says, if they give you their full attention and demonstrate open body language, like looking calm and holding eye contact.
If a person appears closed off – they avoid eye contact, for example, or seem visibly distracted or angry – Salazar recommends shifting your approach. Difficult conversations can activate the body’s fight-or-flight response, and if one or both parties are dysregulated, this can prevent effective communication as well as potentially re-traumatize someone.
Salazar suggests offering to come back to the topic when they feel more able to discuss it, or offering to write down your thoughts and share them. Either way, she says, it is helpful to let them know if and why a topic matters to you by saying something like: “This matters a lot to me, and so do you. I want to be able to talk about hard things with you so we can both learn from and support one another.”
Despite the high degree of difficulty, these conversations are worthwhile because, as Salazar puts it: “We are more able to effect change when we have a rapport with someone.”
As opposed to a post from a stranger on social media, this type of dialogue can result in a deeper, more nuanced exchange, because we are more likely to assume positive intent and offer each other the benefit of the doubt, which creates space for more openness and honesty.
Engage in your community
In addition to supporting those who are far away, there are plenty of ways to get involved in your own area. But to engage effectively, the first step may be to think of your efforts not as help or charity, but as mutual aid.
“One of the first things to sit with with mutual aid is recognizing the interdependence you have with your community and with others, and not coming at it from a perspective of ‘I’m helping others,’ but ‘I’m helping us,’” says Sanae Lahgazi Alaoui, a program administrator for the Metro Atlanta Mutual Aid Fund.
The group, also known as the Mama Fund, started during the pandemic to connect people who want to give donations with the people who need them – and they’re still going. “We’re basically trying to build networks and communities of people within Atlanta who are able to exchange services and resources with each other,” she says.
Lahgazi Alaoui describes this system as a time bank. “One hour of hair braiding equals one hour of babysitting equals one hour of mechanic work,” Lahgazi Alaoui explains.
If your area does not already have an active mutual aid group, Lahgazi Alaoui suggests getting together with members of your community and taking stock. She recommends devising an “offer and needs market”, a concept developed by Mike Strode, a community organizer in Chicago, where people come together and write down what their needs are and what they can offer each other.
Community fridges can also be a useful resource, as are what Lahgazi Alaoui calls “free stores”, where people bring items they don’t need or use any more and take items that they do need.
One of the most important principles behind mutual aid, Lahgazi Alaoui says, is to bring out the resources that already exist within a community but are not necessarily regularly accounted for. “Then you see how rich actually the community can be.”
Donate money and volunteer effectively
A common response to tragedy is the urge to give back in some way, be it through a charitable donation or volunteering time.
“America is actually the most generous country in the world in terms of donating and giving back,” says Kevin Scally, the chief relationship officer at Charity Navigator, a charity assessment organization that evaluates the effectiveness of various charities’ programs.
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When looking for an organization to donate to, Scally recommends finding an organization that is a valid, registered 501(c)(3) non-profit. While charity scams are far from widespread (according to Scally, the number of scam non-profits Charity Navigator has alerts for is a fraction of the total number of actual charities), it’s worth doing the due diligence to check that a group is registered with the IRS.
Second, make sure the charity has a proven record of successfully achieving its goals. For example, a local organization may not have navigated the process of assisting people affected by an international crisis before, Scally says. Even if a group’s intentions are solid, donations may not end up in the hands of the people you want to help.
Third, for international disasters in particular, Scally encourages potential donors to look into whether organizations are able to outline what their partnerships with local groups may be, so that if there are supply chain issues, local partners can help ensure goods and services reach the intended recipients.
Finally, Scally says it’s important to determine whether the group effectively engages with constituent feedback. “An organization is going to be better equipped at actually delivering what the community needs if they’re actually listening to the community,” Scally says. To judge this, look at the group’s content and see whether their material includes the voices of the people they are supposed to serve.
Share information responsibly
It’s easy to share information online. We can post photos, charts, news articles and essays on social media. But this must be done with care, too. In times of crisis, verified information can be hard to come by.
Özlem Sensoy, professor of education at Simon Fraser University in Canada, and author of Why Take Media Seriously: Key Concepts for Understanding Popular Culture and Media Messaging, says it’s important to understand the media landscape and how it shapes the information we receive.
Sensoy suggests that when evaluating the legitimacy of information and whether we should share it, we should ask some basic questions: “Is this something that has been shared firsthand or secondhand? Does it have an author? Is it connected to a news agency? Is it a local story from a local paper that you recognize? Or is it just a meme that’s circulating that has no source?”
“Most of us think that more content means more diversity of perspectives,” she says. In reality, AI filters and careful targeting by media companies means that almost everything you’re seeing on your screen has been carefully curated for you and your access to diverse perspectives is restricted. This means your version of the internet will potentially look completely different from what someone else is seeing.
“We don’t get the newspaper at our front door,” Sensoy says. “We don’t talk to our neighbors about what’s happening around the corner so much as we get [news] in our inboxes, curated in a particular way.”
This matters because it’s important to verify that the information we are sharing is accurate, but also because it can limit our understanding of a situation. Seeking out diverse perspectives doesn’t just mean reading the political opinions of people with whom we disagree; it also means seeking out different focuses and framing that allow us the opportunity for deeper understanding.
Recognize the emotional effects of stress on your body
“Having a big reaction to human tragedy is not a mental health problem,” says Amorosi. “As much as we live in a very westernized, individualized society, human beings are biologically ingrained to care about other human beings.”
In fact, to tamp down grief can have far worse consequences than simply experiencing it – even if we’re not directly experiencing the crisis. “The moment we shut off empathy for people just because they’re not next door to us, we shut off empathy for humankind,” says Amorosi. “And when that happens, we are far more likely to treat ourselves with harm, we are far more likely to treat others with harm, and we are far more likely to tolerate harm that is being done.”
At the same time, continuous exposure to disturbing material causes stress, which wreaks havoc on a person’s physical and mental health. A barrage of such information can lead to a state of overwhelm, which in turn can trigger anxiety disorders, mood disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse as well as other self-harm or relief-seeking behaviors, Amorosi explains. It can also degrade a person’s wellbeing until they feel powerless to help, too scared to engage in social justice activity or beneficial conversations.
Amorosi says there are a couple of warning signs that you may be overwhelmed when it comes to news consumption; for example, you can’t shake the emotions that arise and you find yourself unable to stop turning back to the events.
“Sometimes, when we are in fight or flight, we have this unconscious need to ‘find the bear’,” Amorosi says. “We keep looking and keep looking and keep looking, and it can become obsessive.”
If you notice this type of reaction, you need to actively soothe your nervous system to help it get back to its resting baseline, where the body and brain are at their most functional. There are many ways to do this: going on a walk, calling a friend, taking a nap. Therapy, if you can. But keep in mind that distracting yourself is not the same as soothing yourself. “You can’t just stop reading the article and then turn on The Office,” Amorosi says. “Your body is still going to be in fight or flight.”
Amorosi adds that it’s important to be mindful of our inner climate because that will determine how we show up to help. “Are your thoughts rooted in liberation and empowerment and care?” she says. “Are there harmful thought patterns developing? Are you finding yourself adopting bigotry in any way, even if you don’t mean to? The way we think is going to have a massive impact on the way that we feel and therefore on the way that we act.”