Disclaimer: All of this is completely canonical knowledge. Nothing headcanoned, there are sources for it and I’ve gathered from every source that I could. This includes: Codices (A Good Marriage), Dragon AGE: Blood in Ferelden (Where Eagles Lair) P.78, Dragon Age Core Rulebook, In-Game Dialogue (Jaws of Hakkon). Nothing is headcanon and nothing is taken from an unreliable sources (i.e. Wikipedia).
I did promise it for all those interested. If you haven’t, you might want to also check out my Burials post. It includes Avvarian burial practices, as well as that of other races in Thedas. Also just for reference:
*Clan in this post means (family unit)
Basic Information
The first thing to be said about Avvarian Marriages is that they are not long or permanent. It is up to the couple to retain the marriage if they so wish, by completing the untying of knots at the end of their marriage cycle.
Because of these relatively brief unions and naming conventions, Avvar do not take or change last names like other human cultures.
Avvar do not often marry within their Holds, as Avvarian Holds are often made up of the Thane’s family and the clans of extended family members. In order to avoid this, they are more likely to marry Avvar from other, neighboring Holds.
Although it should be mentioned, that Avvarian Brides who are taken to a new Hold are expected to give up their ties to their old Hold for loyalty to their new home. This is due to the fact that even allied Holds can go to war with one another at any time, given a good reason. Because of this, most brides are met with scrutiny by their old Holds.
The Ceremonies
The First Ceremony: A Kidnapping
Courting starts with the kidnapping of a bride, though it never without the Hold’s or bride’s consent. The kidnapping is always partially arranged in advance by at least the elders of the target Hold and clan, and the one announcing intentions.
A groom who kidnaps a bride without first announcing intent or trying to wrongfully kidnap a bride without permission will be put to death and a blood feud started with the intruder’s Clan or Hold.
Before the kidnapping, the kidnapper may approach their bride-to-be directly and secure her help on the success of the kidnapping. On occasion, a bride-in-waiting may approach a man she wishes to be her husband, if she finds one she desires before another comes to her.
With permission given and a plan laid out, a warrior will prove himself by slipping into the Hold and securing his bride without detection. A warrior caught on his first try is beaten severely, but never to death. However, on his second try, if he is caught he is sentenced to death, usually by Hold Beast.
The Second Ceremony: A (Un)Tying of Knots
“Sounds like a good deal to me. See if you like living with your handsome new husband or wife once the bloom’s worn off.” ~A Good Marriage
Once a bride has been kidnapped and taken to her husband’s Hold, they then participate in an Untying of Knots. The bride will tie knots in a piece of rope, she will then sing the hymn of a selected God while her husband unties the rope. For every knot he is able to untie, before the Bride finishes her song they will be married another year.
Once the number of years of marriage are up, the Avvar can perform the knot ritual once more or they can separate, there is no requirement for them to stay together if they do not wish it. Both bride and groom can be remarried to each other or to others at any time after the years allotted are up.
The Bride’s Influence
Despite the kidnapping of the Bride, the Bride has many times and chances to reject the union, giving her the most power when it comes to completing a Marriage Ceremony.
She is given a choice at the beginning, to give the groom permission to kidnap her. Should, for some reason, the kidnapper not heed her wishes, she can then do whatever she can to undermine his kidnapping. If he is caught, and was never given permission, he is immediately executed (see above).
Should the kidnapping succeed, either unrightfully or if she has second thoughts/wants a shorter marriage. The Bride is then able to influence and sabotage the Knot ritual. She can chose a shorter hymn, chant it at whatever speed she wishes, and tie the knots as tight a possible to make it harder on her husband-to-be. Though her husband-to-be can also choose to only untie as many knots (or untie none at all) as he wishes.
