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Wrong answers only please: how did I slice open my finger earlier this week? Bystander in a climactic shinobi duel? Fell afoul of the local mantis shrimp? Got out of bed too quickly? Whatever the case, typing is painful for me at the moment, so let's get straight to it. Here's what we're all clicking on this lovely weekend!

Paradox Interactive appear from the outside to be a company run by dice roll. That was the case earlier this year when they cancelled Sims competitor Life By You and closed its developers, weeks after it had missed a project release date.

"It is clear that we have made the wrong calls in several projects, especially outside of our core, and this must change," writes CEO Fredrik Wester in an interim financial report, released today.

Demos were once a cornerstone of PC gaming and they arguably will be again thanks to events like Steam Next Fest. The latest update to Steam seeks to make those free slices of potential delight easier to find for players, and easier to promote for developers.

Double Fine's PsychOdyssey is a 32-part documentary series which charts the creation of 2021 platformer Psychonauts 2, from initial brainstorming sessions to its final release. Or it was - now it's 33 parts, as a new 94-minute episode was just released which looks back at the game, its reception, and the release of the documentary itself.

In a recent interview, the director of The Elder Scrolls Online said that if you made Morrowind today, it would struggle to find an audience. "If you play that right now," he said, "there is no compass, no map, literally the quests are like 'go to the third tree on the right and walk 50 paces west'... And if you did that now, no one would play it. Very few people would play it." Well sir, have you heard of a little open world RPG called Dread Delusion? It's pretty good. And what's more, it has just added a whole new area with - let me see - a giant floating squid creature with an entire town of citizens living inside its shell.

One of the classic draws to games as a medium is having a go at fictional jobs like wizard, space salvager, or landlord. This week I've been playing Times & Galaxy, a kinda silly but absorbing visual novel game about a sci fi concept called "journalism". It's good!

The game, I mean. You can be a pretty terrible journalist, perhaps even intentionally. You're a robot too, which the game quietly points out in an in-universe article was installed with a blank slate for increased malleability. It is full of clever but mild mini-jokes like that, told not to expect big laughs but a baseline of playful cheeriness. I initially said "despite", but it might be precisely because of that levity that it's so easy to give real thought to what kind of reporterbot you'll be.

I don't know what the longest-running early access game in history has been (perhaps Project Zomboid?) but I know that zombie survival game 7 Days To Die is definitely up there. We first reported its appearance back in the dark ages of 2013. For context, that was the year Grand Theft Auto V came out. Whoa! Okay, calm down, sorry, I didn't mean to panic you. Yes, the arrow of time is inviolable. We are all marching steadily towards our graves, I know. But at least now 7 Days To Die has finally released its fully baked version 1.0.

Chaotic poker-themed roguelike deckbuilder Balatro quickly captured hearts and frazzled minds when it released earlier this year. However, nowhere in Katharine’s (RPS in peace) review does it address the one eternal issue: can it run Doom?

I keep seeing those adverts for that Ray-Ban and Meta collaboration, where like, they're smart glasses that let you browse the web with your eyes? Anyway, yeah, they don't appeal to me at all. Not as much as "Dateviator" glasses, which come courtesy of Sassy Chap Games and their upcoming dating sim Date Everything! As the title suggests: you date everything, from kitchen sponges to lampshades, as they morph into absolute fitties once you've donned the special specs. It looks incredibly dumb but in the best possible way.

It looks like the Legacy Of Kain: Soul Reaver games could be getting the remaster treatment. An attendee at San Diego Comic-Con was looking at a set of figures based on characters from the series when they saw that the plaque accompanying the figures was labelled with the words "Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver 1 & 2 Remastered" alongside the logo for Crystal Dynamics. I suppose if you throw a coin enough times, one day it will land on the side with the head of a jawless vampire on it.

As of today, the The Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (SAG-AFTRA) has called a strike of the Interactive Media Agreement - effectively, video game voice acting, motion capture work, and other roles, the full list of which can be found here. The strike comes after over 18 months of negotiations with some of gaming’s largest companies - including Activision, EA, Insomniac, Take-Two, and WB Games - over AI protections.

Earth Defense Force 6 players on Steam aren’t happy about having to sign into the Epic Games Store, it seems. The latest entry in the co-op ant-control shooter launched yesterday, and critics reckon it's a decent time. Still, it’s currently sitting at an angry red 'mostly negative' on Steam. In response, D3PUBLISHER have put out an apology statement, reassuring players that this third-party log in will only be required once.

The last time I played Dope Wars (Drug Wars), I was hunched on ‘the shit chair’ over a CRT around my mates house. It was school lunchtime, and I was in either year 7 or 8. I was quite overweight, scruffy, and I probably had specks of bean juice on my white shirt. It’s occurring to me now how deeply cursed the term ‘bean juice’ is. Tomato sauce, then. Tomato sauce on my school shirt, because it took me longer than normal to develop a sense of self-awareness about such things, and thus embarrassment, and thus I stunk and looked like shit all the time. I sort of miss it, honestly.

Dope Wars ‘98 is an updated version of the 1984 MS-DOS strategy game by John E. Dell. Its famous for being everywhere at the time, including calculators. The Windows version I played is by Beermat Software and now it's become abandonware. In brief, it’s a game about being a drug dealer, and occasionally running from the po-po. The cop is called ‘Officer Hardass’. You can shoot him to death! With a kill-gun! Otherwise, this is the same version, visually identical. It's also not exactly the version in the header image, but I'm not even going to try screenshotting it.

S.T.A.L.K.E.R. 2: Heart of Chornobyl, the beautifully grotty sci-fi shooter sequel from Ukrainian studio GSC Game World, has been delayed once again. It’s a relatively good-spirited delay, though: first off, it’s not that long, with the previously planned September 5th launch pushed back just a few weeks to November 20th. There’s also clever little in-universe announcement video (one which gives the fourth wall a study kick on its way out), and an accompanying promise of a meaty "developer deep dive video", set to reveal much more of the game’s radioactive hellscape on August 12th.

Yet again, some good food. Following the news earlier this week that 241 Bethesda Games Studios staffers had formed what was at the time the biggest wall-to-wall under Microsoft, The Verge reports that over 500 World Of Warcraft developers have voted to form their own union, alongside the Communication Workers of America (CWA).

Fallout: London, the massive fan-made Fallout 4 mod set in Poundland Prime (No Elephants, Some Castles, Canary Wharfare) has finally got a release date. Happy days, it’s actually today, Thursday 25th July. The news comes from Inverse, who’ve sent their dear alsatian companions sniffing around the mod’s Discord. Yesterday, Team FOLON lead Dean Carter shared the song I Just Can't Wait (For Tomorrow) then, when sniffed at harder, confirmed that the 'Tomorrow' part meant tomorrow (as in, today), "Unless nuclear war happens."

The immersive sim has seen a revival in recent years. Not only from larger studios like Arkane, keeping the faith alive with their time loops and space stations, but also from a bunch of smaller developers bravely exploring a typically ambitious genre. RPS has always had an affinity for these systemically luxuriant simulations, historically lauding the likes of the original Deus Ex as the best game ever made. But given everything that has come since, is that still the case? Only one way to find out: make a big list.

Animal caretaking sim Zoochosis is about being an ordinary zookeeper working in an ordinary zoo. What's that? There are no ordinary zoos? My mistake. Let me start again. Animal caretaking horror game Zoochosis is about being a stressed-out zookeeper in a hideous zoo where the giraffes have tendrils coming out of their chests and the kangaroos have rows of chattering teeth in their marsupial pouch. There, got it right in the end. We've known about the development of this terror-heavy tourist attraction since its announcement early this year. But now the upcoming horror sim has been given an autumn release date in a new trailer.

In a certifiably not-great week for gaming CPUs, AMD have announced that the new Ryzen 9000 series is being delayed for a few days. That’s thanks to initial production units not being up to standards, an AMD executive admitted, and comes shortly after rivals Intel copped to a potentially chip-killing fault in their latest Core processors. Ah well, there’s always – oh, wait. No. Those are the only two.

I've never been a poetry guy, not because I don't like it, I've just never gone out of my way to read them over books or whatnot. The poems I've engaged with the most are those read out during wedding ceremonies, those that pop-up before the start of a horror game, or The Tiger by 6-year old Nael that occasionally pops up as I'm doomscrolling. But thanks to the multiplayer web game "fridge poetry", where you drag words to create poems, I might become a day-to-day poem guy. Going off my first effort, I don't think many will appreciate my career switch.

Apex Legends developers Respawn Entertainment have announced that poorly-received plans to overhaul the battle royale's Premium Battle Pass will be partially walked back. Most crucially, the new passes – set to launch alongside the upcoming Season 22 in August – will no longer be sold exclusively for real-world cash; as with previous BPs, players will still be able to buy them with accumulated in-game currency.

Grit And Valor 1949 certainly evokes the tactics of Into The Breach, with its stompy machinery and floating tile battlegrounds. But, despite all appearances, this one isn’t actually turn-based at all. A tiley, tiny real time strategy then? Aye, and one that’s actually pretty frantic as it happens. Missions are snappy, intense skirmishes. You’ll fight off waves while trying to protect your useless, freeloading command vehicle. This threat, combined with on-the-fly tactical consider-me-do's like utilising cover and keeping rock-paper-scissors matchups in your favour ends up spawning something quite distinct. Please, do stomp on, preferably with less hypens for all our sakes.

Capcom's turned back the clock with Kunitsu-Gami: Path Of The Goddess, bringing to us an action RPG tower defence hybrid that's very 2000s and very welcome in this age of open world, live service-ness. And for some, it'll deliver what's needed: a fairly good time. A time marked by a loop that does hack 'n slash, management, and a dash of base repairs to an average degree. For me, though, and possibly many others, I simply don't think this mix ever truly captures what makes even the simplest of tower defence games so captivating.

All 36 employees of Humble Games publishing have reportedly been laid off. According to business developer Nicola Kwan, staff were informed at 9am this morning, and told that “the company is shutting down.” Humble dispute this in a statement made to Game Developer, claiming that the publishing label is "undergoing restructuring," as opposed to a full shutdown.

Humble’s statement - which you can read in full here - attributes the events to “challenging economic times for indie game publishing,” saying that “Humble Games has made the difficult but necessary decision to restructure our operations.”

The latest free update to The Sims 4 will let you "define the conditions under which your Sims become jealous". That's handy. The new feature, called "Romantic Boundaries", will give you some settings to tweak that determine whether a Sim will be bothered when they see their partner flirting with the neighbour, or kissing the neighbour, or getting into bed with the neighbour, or becoming a blur of obscene pixels with the neighb- okay Cindy, stop! I'm not comfortable with this. When I said we could open up I didn't mean with Nigel.

Intel have identified the fault behind reported stability issues with their 13th and 14th Gen Core CPUs, many of which have been failing after feeding themselves excessive voltages. The blame, Intel told PCG, lies with the same kind of pernicious force that fills your Twitter feed with pillocks, has turned Google into an AI-sodden shell of its former self, and keeps making Spotify suggest I listen to ninety different electroswing arrangements of Everybody Wants to Be a Cat. That's right: an algorithm.

Likely as a conspiracy to make me use the word boner in two different articles on the same day, campy horror shooter Shadows Of The Damned: Hella Remastered has received a release date - this Halloween, 31st October 2024. This spiffier version of the 2011 console game was announced earlier this year. Aside from a few costumes and NG+, it's basically the original package you know and - if you’re one of the fifteen people that bought the original - love.

"Do you fancy playing as a couple of skellies named 'The Boner Brothers' riding a bike and sidecar while chunky bastard-metal blasts out, also they’ve got a gun, also they can do tricks?" asked Motördoom, to which I became so instantly hyperactive I somehow worked out how to headbutt my own face. Of course I want to put a chainsaw on the front of my bike, Motördoom. Obviously I want a rougelike-able upgrade that perchance may set my demonic enemies on fire. Yes, I’d like to combine a sick manual with an action game killstreak for a very large combo, Motördoom. Is this what overly concerned parents thought PS1 games were actually like? If I got a disc with this demo on as a kid, I’d be significantly radder than I am today. Gnarly, even. Made of gnarls.

In the heyday of Sierra's adventure game years, there was a series called Space Quest that featured an intergalactic janitor named Roger Wilco. The series was more satirical than King's Quest, less preachy than Police Quest, and not quite as adult as Leisure Suit Larry. Spearheaded by Scott Murphy and Mark Crowe - a pair of devs who called themselves "Two Guys from Andromeda" - Space Quest was renowned for its humour, and there was a nice sense of progression throughout most of the series, with Roger Wilco leveling up from working class spaceman to the head of his own Star Trek ship.

Between Against The Storms’ critters, Manor Lords’s perfect oxen, and now Cataclismo, Hooded Horse’s roster of strategy games share a common thread that many guard-the-village-em-ups can fatally overlook: they present a civilisation that’s worth protecting. Even if the fallen culture you’ll defend against waves of gribblies offers fascinatingly few concrete details on its origins, there’s a lithe and impressionistic otherworldliness and use of colour in Cataclismo’s art that evokes unearthed layers of history. Also, everyone is just so gosh darn likeable, with their foppish hats plopped atop stretched bodies, and dialogue that remains resolute, chirpy, and eager, even when you’re click-marching these poor folk straight to their deaths.

Still, none of this will stop me will sacrificing every last man, woman, and child of these beleaguered warriors if it means preserving a single one of my immaculately crafted staircases.