How to Interpret Dreams You Have About Practically Anyone

Have you ever woken up from a dream about a neighbor or a cousin or the barista at your local coffee shop, confused and disoriented and wondering what the hell that was all about? Most of us have. Even a dream about someone you’d expect to dream about, like an ex or a parent, might not make much sense at first.

If you’re finding yourself stumped and can’t get it out of your mind, a dream-interpretation practice might help. First, it’s important to know that there are countless traditions, and variations on traditions, related to understanding our dreams.

The Indigenous Guarani culture, for example, has a long history of dream-centric spirituality. According to Amanda Takwapu, a spiritual practitioner and apprentice to the Tupi-Guarani traditions, specific cosmovisions — ways of approaching and understanding dreamwork — might even vary from tribe to tribe. What doesn’t change in Guarani practice is that it’s not viewed as interpretation, exactly. The experience of trying to understand a dream is instead seen as a conversation between the dream, the person who experienced it, and anyone they’re talking to about it. “This is something that we dialogue with when we’re sleeping and when we’re awake during the day,” she explains. “It’s a territory that’s consciously alive with us.”
For Alex Shiflett, a licensed mental-health clinician and dream doula, their practice is influenced by the psychoanalytic methods of Freud and Jung as well as various spiritual dream-interpretation methods and the use of dreams in creative practices. “My practice is rooted in the philosophy that everyone in the dream is you; this is also related to the concept of everything and everyone being connected,” they explain.

It’s okay if you’re unsure which type of dreamwork practice makes the most sense for you — try a few and see what resonates. (Just make sure you’re being respectful and non-appropriative; in the case of Guarani dreamwork, Takwapu says expanding access to traditional knowledge is one of her goals, but this may not be true for all Indigenous practices.) When a certain method feels right or makes sense to you, you’ll know. A good first step is to focus on remembering and thinking about your dreams, whether that’s through a dream journal or good old-fashioned conversation. Shiflett recommends using a voice-recording app to describe your dream as soon as you wake up — more on that below — while Takwapu says conversations are best.

We spoke to Takwapu and Shiflett as well as Autumn Fourkiller, Indigenous mystic and writer behind the Dream Interpretation for Dummies newsletter, and Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, professional dream analyst and author, about how to interpret the people and scenarios we envision in our dreams the most. Whether it’s an ex, a parent, a co-worker, or even a celebrity, keep reading to find out why, for better or for worse, we can’t seem to get them out of our heads.

.

If you want to start working with your dreams …

For Takwapu, remembering and discussing dreams is second nature; it’s something she has practiced since childhood. “Ever since you’re able to start talking, you’re sharing your dreams with your mother or aunties — usually a matriarch of your village or of your clan,” she says. “For anybody who didn’t have that privilege growing up, of being able to share their dreams, articulating is going to be the strongest thing that you can do.” While Takwapu appreciates dream journals as a way of understanding broader trends in your dreaming life and uses one herself, she believes that speaking out loud about your dreams, with someone else there to hear about them, is the best way to enter into a dialogue with them. “When we’re dreaming, we’re not vocally dialoguing with anybody,” Takwapu says. “So then the second part is, in the waking life, embodying it by feeling it and articulating it. This is going to strengthen your ability to bring back that wisdom into this material realm.”

Shiflett agrees that any attempt to understand your dream is best done in conversation. “Because dreams show us our blind spots, it is best to do this practice with someone who works with dreams,” they say. “You might not ‘see’ something until another person facilitates or reflects it back to you.” But if you don’t have anyone to speak to, another option Shiflett recommends is to use a voice recorder as soon as you wake up, allowing you to stay close to the dream. They advise telling it as you remember it, without overthinking or self-editing, and from the first person. It’s important to take note of details, from the colors you saw to the narrative thread the dream followed. Most important, says Shiflett, is to notice what feelings are coming up when you think about the dream or particular images in it — what associations are you making, and how does it feel in your body?

In Guarani tradition, how a dream makes you feel matters more than anything else. “For us, it’s less about identifying objects, places, things in our dreams, but it’s very important for us to remember how we feel,”  Takwapu says. “That’s going to be an indicator either to the elders or to our family members of what that dream could signify.” But what if you can’t remember your dreams at all? According to Shiflett, there are methods you can try that will help to jog your memory. “If you struggle remembering your dreams, tell yourself every night before bed that you will remember your dreams,” they suggest. “Keep practicing writing down even your first thought upon waking. Remembering your dreams is like remembering where you put your keys — not remembering something from the past but where you put something.”

.

If you want to know why you dreamed about someone specific …

“When you dream about someone, you are having subjective and objective experiences of this person,” says Shiflett. “Sometimes we dream about someone but they’re nothing like how they are in waking life. So there’s a part of yourself that you’ve projected onto an image of this person; this person is the chosen image because of personal associations with the person.” For them, interpreting the dream starts with considering your own associations — memories, feelings, thoughts — with that particular person. From there, you can figure out the story that’s being told: “Dream interpretation is a practice in tuning in with what we know.” Since, in Shiflett’s practice, everyone in the dream is you, you can try putting yourself back in the dream as the person you dreamed about. “If you dream of someone, it means you’re noticing them, or something about them, within yourself.” Shiflett also says it’s important to consider larger patterns and the role the person plays in your life and in your dreams more broadly.

For Takwapu, it’s just another example of how important it is to connect with how you felt during the dream. “Did you feel safe with this person? Did you feel hesitancy around this person in the dream? Was this person coming toward you? Were they going away from you?” she asks. All of these emotional elements are helpful signals in understanding the dream’s message.

.

If you’re curious about the connections between dreaming and spirituality …

For some dream analysts, working with dreams is simply a psychological practice based entirely on the dreamer’s inner workings and psyche. But in many traditions, dreamwork is a spiritual practice. For Shiflett, it’s a bit of both; they believe that every aspect of a dream comes from the self, but they also believe that a person’s internal world contains a channel to the divine. “We just have to create practices and rituals to tune in to the frequency,” they say. “Dreams can be part of that practice and ritual.”

Takwapu says that for the Guarani, there is no real separation between our dreams and the spiritual realm. That can be understood even from the Guarani word for dream, Aetxara’u. The prefix, Aetxa, means “to see beyond this material realm/plane.” Dreams aren’t just a channel to the spiritual; they themselves take place in a spiritual realm. She uses the metaphor that, for her, the spirit realm exists in the same way the city of London does: She’s not there right now, but she knows it exists and is full of movement and life. “The spirits, the energies and the entities that some folks outside of an Indigenous culture might see as a separate realm — for us, we view it and we dialogue with it,” she says. “And we have a relation to it in our waking world and the dream space and our afterlife. So it’s something that’s continually existing, and it’s not a separate realm.”

.

If you’re dreaming about someone repeatedly …

A one-off dream about another person is one thing. But when it becomes a repeated pattern, that can be especially significant. To work with repeating dreams about someone specific, Takwapu recommends first thinking about how the person you’re dreaming about is related to you in waking life — your current interactions with them or even the lack thereof. “If they’re repeatedly coming to you in dreams, that’s definitely significant subconsciously or spiritually,” she says. Then, when discussing how that person is represented in your dreams and in your waking life, consider how it feels just to talk about it without them present. If you feel the need to include them in the conversation or talk to them about what’s happening in your dreams, Takwapu says that’s an indicator of spiritual significance. “There might be a dialogue that you guys are meant to have, and maybe this dream is going to be opening up that conversation for you,” she says. “It’s definitely something to discuss with a trusted person that guides you in your dreams, or also reach out to that person if it’s safe to do so.”

Shiflett says that our dreams often involve repeated themes and coincidences for us to uncover. “​​There are synchronicities when dreaming of others that we might not know the whole meaning of until hindsight,” they explain. “Notice how often you might dream of a certain person. Does this person in your dream always play the same role? Do they come up after certain events in waking life? What is the larger pattern?”

.

If you dream about a stranger …

Some of the most confusing dreams are the ones in which the subject is a person we don’t recognize from our waking life. Takwapu cautions against automatically thinking of them as a “stranger.” “This could be a premonition, a spirit, an embodiment that’s waiting for you,” she says. “And we’re already identifying it as a stranger. Our words hold power; imagine this energy trying to come through to us, and we’re like, This is a stranger. It’s really important — if you aren’t familiar with the people that you’re dreaming about — to not immediately classify it as a stranger.”

Shiflett says that in their practice, dreams about unfamiliar people can be related to the Jungian archetypes found in dreams: the self, the shadow, the anima/animus, and the persona. “Explore what this character was doing, their role in the dream, and potentially other associations with the person,” they suggest.

.

If you have a nightmare about someone …

So does the tone of the dream matter as much as who was in it? Takwapu says it does, but she also explains that in the Guarani cosmovision, there’s no such thing as a nightmare — the label itself is a box in which we tend to toss any unpleasant feelings that might’ve come up during a dream without closely inspecting them. Instead of doing that, she recommends getting curious about the feelings that came up — did you feel unsafe? Did you feel a loss of control? Did you feel shame or embarrassment? You can then investigate further into why that feeling makes you scared or uncomfortable: “When we start dismantling this idea that some dreams are good dreams or nightmares, that’s where shadow work comes in.”

The feelings a dream brought up can still be spiritually significant. Here, Takwapu references the Guarani word Djapytsaká, which she describes as a sense of spiritual caution or discernment. Consistently practicing that discernment, and deepening your awareness of the dream realm, can help you develop a stronger sense of when a dream has a message to share. “It could signify that you should reach out to them, or maybe it’s reminding you to share that dream with them,” she says. “A lot of the time, we believe when we share our dreams with other people, it has more to do with the person we’re choosing to share it with. There might be a message for them that they need to hear, even if we didn’t dream about them directly.”

.

If you dream about your ex …

“The most common ex that we tend to dream about is our first love. In fact, we’ll dream about that person even 50 years since we’ve been with them,” says Loewenberg. The reason why that particular ex tends to keep showing up in our dreams is that they symbolize what first love feels like — passion, excitement, always wanting to be together, being desired, and all those magical feelings. So the first love will show up whenever our current relationship gets a little routine and humdrum and we need to spice it up and bring back those feelings. They can also show up when we’re in a dry spell and we haven’t been in a relationship for a while.”

According to Fourkiller, ex dreams are all about the past. “Not to get too deep in the weeds here, but I’m a young millennial with young millennial friends, and that means I have been asked about dreaming about an ex too many times to count,” says Fourkiller. “My rule of thumb is that it almost never means you should get back with said ex, especially if it was a horrible terrible relationship that I was always very happy to commiserate about the first time around but that, if you ignore my dream advice, I will probably not be as happy to again. Ex dreams are simply about the past, about what we’ve left there. About the parts (not persons) that may be salvageable from it. About showing grace to ourselves.” Takwapu says that the relationship you currently have with your ex is a relevant factor. “Maybe it’s somebody that is no contact, but they’re still finding you in the dream realm, and that’s a whole different spiritual conversation to have,” she says. “It has to do with your protection, your safety, in both the dream realm and the waking world.” If you can’t or don’t want to speak to the ex you’re dreaming about, that in itself can be an indicator of what the dream signifies. If you could see yourself talking to your ex about the dream, maybe that means there is a conversation you need to have with them. But if you can’t, it could just mean they’re the one trying to connect with you. “There could be some things that have been unprocessed. There could be emotional things or even spiritual ties that are asking to be let go of,” she says.

.

If you dream about your mother …

“Ah, the mother. Part of the triplicate of the maiden, mother, and crone. When it comes to dreams with archetypes, sometimes the most obvious answer is the most true,” says Fourkiller. “They follow Occam’s Razor in that respect. So when dreaming of a mother (or your mother) we must think about the traditional elements associated with motherhood, like nurturing, and ask ourselves if we are neglecting to nurture ourselves, a relationship, a dream, etc. If dreaming about your mother specifically, that could mean that it is time to interrogate that relationship, what it has left you with, and what it is doing to you now. Sorry.”

According to Loewenberg, dreams about mothers are more common than those about fathers. “We tend to dream about the mother more than the father figure. In fact, on average, we tend to dream of our mothers or a mother figure about once a week. It’s important to remember, though, especially when you’re figuring out what the different people in your dream mean, that all figures actually represent a part of yourself. The dreaming mind will show us the different bits of our personality in the form of a person. So, that being said, if you’re a mother and you dream about your mother or a mother figure, that’s going to represent your role as mom. Pay attention to how she is in the dream. Is she helpful? Is she ill? Is she dying? Is she in trouble? However she is portrayed in the dream is a reflection of how you are seeing yourself as a mom.”

Loewenberg adds: “If you’re not a mother, then go ahead and look at your current relationship with your mom. If there’s no issue there, then she will represent the part of you that is nurturing, takes care of yourself, and is nurturing to others around you.”

.

If you dream about your co-workers …

“If it’s a co-worker you deal with on a daily basis — someone you work closely with — then they probably will be playing themselves,” says Loewenberg. “And so whatever is going on in the dream will reflect whatever is going on between you and the co-worker in real life.”

But how about a co-worker you don’t interact with often? Loewenberg says the following: “They’re going to represent some part of yourself. So ask yourself — and this is a rule that you want to apply with every person that shows up in your dream — what stands out to you about this co-worker? What is their outstanding quality? What is the first thing you think of when you think about this co-worker? Maybe the co-worker you’re dreaming about is a tech expert and is really good at fixing computers if something goes wrong. Apply that quality to yourself. Do you need to take on that quality just for your job or in general? Do you feel that you need to be more of a get-it-done-and-fix-it kind of person?”

While Fourkiller agrees that the dream about your co-worker “could definitely be a reflection of what is happening” in your real waking life, she adds that “work dreams always signify to me a rootedness there, in the realm of work. I totally understand this. Capitalism is rough. I think these kind of dreams can present a message that, ‘Hey, there is work that needs to be done elsewhere.’ Usually you’ll be able to tell. If the co-worker is berating you, it is time to take a step back. If you and the co-worker are in happy collaboration, despite not having worked together before, it is probably a good sign and there is excavating to be done.”

.

If you dream about a significant other …

“Pay really close attention to their behavior and their condition in the dream,” instructs Loewenberg. For example, a really common dream we’ll have surrounding our significant other is that we can’t find them … That can indicate one of two things. It could mean that you miss them and that you’re not spending enough time with them, because maybe they’re always working or maybe it’s a long-distance relationship. The other thing it can mean is that you’re looking for a way to better connect — remember that couples can live together yet have no connection anymore.”

Fourkiller also urges you to home in on the details of your dream. “It depends on the dream, the emotions behind it, but a significant other dream can be a happy thing, an ‘I’m so in love with the person’ thing, or a message that says you need to pay less attention to this person and more attention to what is going on in your own life and heart.”

“It’s very important to think about how you felt in the dream, how you felt about your interaction with them in the dream, and how you feel in your waking life about them,” says Takwapu. “When you’re able to identify how you feel in this dream, it’s going to be able to give you a way to navigate the relationship.”

.

If you dream about your significant other cheating …

“First, has there been infidelity in this relationship? If yes, that just shows that there’s still distrust,” says Loewenberg. “But if this dream seems to be coming out of left field and you have no reason at all to suspect them, the dream doesn’t mean that they are cheating. It can mean that you feel that there is a third wheel in the relationship, like work or golf or a new baby — something that is causing you to feel cheated out of your time and attention with the significant other.”

Fourkiller also points to previous cheating as an important factor. “Don’t jump to conclusions! Just like a death dream, this doesn’t mean that they are cheating. Unless they have before. Then they might be,” she says. “If they haven’t, though, think about the material reality of the relationship. Have you been spending enough time together? What is lacking here? Am I being supported? Am I supporting? All that.”

.

If you dream about your significant other dying …

“Don’t look at that literally! Dreams are symbolic,” Loewenberg reassures. If you look at it literally, you’re going to freak yourself out. In a dream, death represents something ending or changing. So, is there some kind of big change going on in your relationship? Are you reaching a new level? Did you suddenly get engaged? Or is your significant other changing in some way? Have they lost a lot of weight? Did they get a promotion, and now there’s not enough time with each other and that relationship is changing in that respect? Assess things with that kind of approach.” Fourkiller agrees that a shift is on the horizon. “This relationship is about to evolve, big time. It does not mean that they are about to keel over.”

.

If you dream about someone who has already died …

For this one, Fourkiller says the interpretation depends on your personal beliefs. “I am someone who believes the dead can visit us, that they can give us messages or just drop by. If you’re not, though, think about what messages (though perhaps not literal) your brain is trying to bring you by presenting this person to you. Is it a message of grief? Of love? Of warning?”

“If you dream of someone who has died, they will likely represent a personality trait that you both share,” Loewenberg adds. “Or they can represent who you were when they were alive and in your life. For example, if you have a childhood friend who has passed away and you dream of them, they could represent who you were back when you were friends and they were alive.”

.

If you dream about someone famous …

“Celebrities are really fun to dream about! One of the most common dreams of a celebrity is that you’re friends with them and you’re hanging out with them,” says Loewenberg. “It can be a celebrity you really like or it can be someone who seems random … Regardless, the celebrity is going to represent some part of yourself that, like a celebrity, you feel deserves recognition and perhaps even applause. Ask yourself what the celebrity is best known for. Is it a song? Look at the title or the lyrics of that song because chances are there will be something relevant to your life in either the title or lyrics. If the celebrity is an actor, are they best known for a TV show or a movie? Then ask yourself if something is relevant to you in the title of that show or movie, in the story line, or, perhaps, in the character they play — maybe you relate to that.”

Unless you recently watched something with that particular celebrity, Fourkiller says this dream may actually be about your own desire for recognition. “Did you watch a movie with them in it? If not, let’s talk about recognition and celebration. There is a part of you that deserves to be recognized and celebrated, and it’s probably not being recognized or celebrated,” she says. “Can you identify that part? Can you see it?”

.

On the celebs who appear in dreams most often:

“I remember there was a time when Oprah was the most dreamt of celebrity … but I would say that, overall, in all the years I’ve been doing this, it would probably be the president at the time that I get asked about the most,” says Loewenberg. For Fourkiller? “Not gonna lie, it’s Nic Cage. Maybe I’m just friends with a bunch of Nic Cage superfans, but he comes up more often than you think. My subscribers and clients are much less likely to submit a dream for interpretation that has to do with celebrities, though perhaps that’s because they think it is less worthy of interpretation.”

The takeaway: Fourkiller notes that even the silly dream you deem unworthy of interpretation still has significance. “Not every dream necessarily has a meaning, but all dreams are important. Even if they’re silly. Even if they’re scary. And so on,” she says. “Knowing whether a dream is worth interpreting is up to the dreamer themself, and it is something that only comes with time. I cannot decide for you what is important, I can only guide you into (hopefully) a deeper self-knowledge, one that you will use to add weight and importance to your own experience, which will in turn let you value your mind, your thoughts, and yes, always, your dreams.”

In general, Fourkiller says dream interpretation can be an incredibly subjective practice. “My interpretations are rooted in both a personal spiritual practice, and, if we’re getting technical, probably a Jungian-inspired one, too. So with that in mind, your interpretation might be different than one I might come up with, but that doesn’t make it less true,” she says. “My rule of thumb here is to not disregard obvious conclusions, but to never settle on a final interpretation until everything has been sorted through. Make sure to pay attention to themes, emotions, archetypes, etc. This will help you dig deeper, reflect, and not lean on surface-level analysis.”

Our Experts:

More Dreams Deciphered

• So What Does It Mean If You Dream About Cheating?
• Dream Experts Explore Why You’re Dreaming About Your Teeth Falling Out
• What Does It Mean If You Dream About Fish?

See All