When Kink & GDC Collide: Why the 2000s era CCP parties were bad ideas

It's already been absolutely amazing to be back on the road and going to major conventions again here in 2023. If there's one thing I truly missed from my time outside of the video game industry, it was being able to visit so many wonderful conventions around the United States and not only FINALLY MEET fans and colleagues whom I've only ever known virtually, but also to spend time with friends I've made in the industry over my many years of game making. It was WONDERFUL to be at #gdc2023 AND #PAXEast.

Speaking of PAX East, I am very thankful to have been invited by Linda "Brasse" Carlson 🔜 GamesCom to participate in one of the longest running panel series at the convention: the Getting Into The Game Industry panels.

If you haven't been to a run of these panels at either PAX East, #PAXWest, or #PAXSouth, Linda or Richard Weil 🔜 Gamescom is usually moderating the panel and the composition of the group changes every time. This way the panel is constantly shifting in order to offer new voices, fresh perspectives, and balanced participation. This year the group consisted of Rich, Linda, myself, 🌱💕 Margaret Krohn , and Tramell Isaac . It was an amazing group to spend the day with, and learning from their perspectives was, as always, humbling. Even for me.

Normally, I wouldn't be writing an article on this panel at all and instead would be letting the panel speak for itself. Writing an article on general advice for breaking in and improving your career in the video game industry is great and all, but it's also been done a few times now.

Instead, there was one topic from Friday that stuck in my head even after I left PAX East and got back to where I was saying last night. It was the very brief portion of the panel where we discussed the infamous CCP Games Game Developers Conference parties from the 2000s and 2010s.

For those who didn't go to one of these parties... here's just one recap. I'll wait until you come back. (Yep, that's the Escapist I just linked.)

During the panel we had to compress our answers in order to fit within the time we had and still leave room for audience questions, so we kind of glazed past this by simply saying, "Hey, this wasn't a great idea, don't do this, CCP got banned from basically every San Francisco hotel, one at a time, over a decade. Their parties may have been fun, but they crossed some lines that shouldn't have been crossed."

And yes, I fully agreed with that statement, even as a Pro-Domme. Especially now as a Pro-Domme. Those parties were full of bad ideas, and I would know. I got myself into one as press because, yeah, I covered EVE Online. I had to be there if I wanted to be close to the people I wanted to interview for work. I have a first-hand experience being at one of these events.

CCP's parties were coveted events because they always pushed the envelope, and many people tried to get into them knowing that was part of the allure. I was just as excited to go to the party as many of the other folks who were fiercely fighting for invites to what were some of the most exclusive bashes of the convention.

But after having oil thrown on my clothes unexpectedly and experiencing partygoers attempt to drag me into things I wasn't comfortable with left and right, I ended up leaving the party pretty downtrodden. I felt terrible for fighting so fiercely to get in, only to find it was a party that I didn't feel safe or comfortable attending. At the time I couldn't explain why, so I chose the worst option: I didn't speak up.

Fast forward to today and the answer slapped me in the back of the head right after the panel and sat in my brain since then. Thanks to finding and participating in safe sexual communities in the past few years, the problem of the CCP parties comes down to:

1. It was a great way to network with CCP. If you wanted to get in with them, especially if you had a professional relationship with them, going was very important so you could be noticed. This is already an inappropriate mix of live sexualized content and business.
2. There were little to no safety controls present at the party that were provided by the venues or CCP themselves, despite them hosting a kink experience.
3. The people they hired were usually non-professionals who did not always have the same standards or knowledge as their professional counterparts.

In short: "If you want to do business, visit us at this conveniently unsafe location that we're not really monitoring."

That's the most short and accurate summary I can give as to why this type of content was simply not appropriate for the Game Developers Conference. We sometimes make it sound like the presence of sex in these spaces is the issue, but it's not, it's how sex is treated in these spaces.

It's not treated in a way to teach and experience safely. Instead it's treated as a shock stunt to get attention AND it comes with a chaser of potential sexual harassment from people who don't know how to handle themselves when participating in kink.

When you put a load of non-kink affiliated people into a kink affiliated environment without guidance, safety standards, or training on how to use the tools, you are asking for something to go wrong and for someone to be hurt.

Let's look at an example...

Case in point, let's look at paragraph from the previously linked Escapist article:

Three girls were prowling around a roped-off section with two seven-foot structures shaped like large “X”‘s, lashing volunteers with a variety of bondage gear. After watching the, uhh, festivities, I went up to try it out. Twice. While I was waiting my turn the second time, I spoke a bit with the guy running security for the area, and he said the girls weren’t pros, they were just regulars from the club’s bondage night. The girl who whipped me confirmed that, and she said she was usually on the receiving end of the whips she was using. But judging by the maze of welts on my back, she took to the domme side of the equation like a duck to water. After my second ass kicking, I’d finally had it, so I rounded up a bit of the crew and headed out to the Gamecock party (more later) to close out the night.

Let me help you out, 2007-edition of Joe Blancato: That big X is called a St. Andrew's Cross or an X-Cross. It's a pretty normal piece of bondage equipment used by a Dominatrix; we bring them to SizeCon so we can show people their use.

But here's what's abnormal about Joe's situation compared to other kink event use of the St. Andrew's:

• The girls who were running the area were noted to not be professionals OR Dominatrixes, but enthusiasts. Getting to the level to be a safe Domme takes time, concerted effort, and training from others. I've been doing this for years and I'm STILL learning and STILL training.
• The girls were not adequately forming a relationship with the people who were engaging in the lashing. One of the key components of any kink experience like this is a social contract between both parties on what's okay and what's not okay. This helps keep both the Domme and the sub physically safe AND keeps the experience enjoyable for everyone.
• There were moments in the party where members of CCP's team would use the crops and flails on one another, but they would attempt to hit one another as hard as possible to get the other person to break. While this was intended to be jovial and rough-housing between friends, it also sends the exact wrong message to a room full of people: you can and should break someone's social contract or stated limits using kink equipment. This is the complete opposite of the environment a Domme provides. I start small and go upwards to find what's fun and within tolerance range for the client.
• If you're new to this, then usually the Domme should have a billion questions and start you off pretty easy so you can slowly find your footing and understand what to do. That didn't seem to be the case here. People just walked up, locked in, got lashed.
• The girls seemed to conflate the idea of being a sub and being on the receiving end with knowledge on how to appropriately use a flail or other tool on another person. Getting hit with these things is part of it, you need to know what it feels like after all, but knowing where and how to strike is very important. Hit the wrong part of the body the wrong way or use an inappropriate amount of force and you can seriously hurt someone. Pro-Dommes strike areas that are explicitly sensual, does not always leave bruising, or can heal quickly without causing permanent harm to the sub.
• Likewise, Joe conflates the idea of having a maze of bruises on his back as "having a good session." No, the number of injuries on your body does not indicate how good a session was. A "successful" session happens when both parties have a satisfying experience that falls within their stated boundaries. A "successful" session includes moments for both the Dom and the sub to explore together.
• Finally, there's another important piece missing here: There's no aftercare. Just like a Domme has pre-session setup in the form of a social contract, there's also aftercare between the Dom and sub in order to "reaffirm reality." The Domme and sub will usually hold one another or wrap themselves tightly to lower their tension and energy. It's a good idea to drink water or Gatorade. They'll also speak to one another and reconfirm what may have been said in the session was part of the fantasy and is not anyone's actual feelings towards one another. This helps prevent psychological harm or, as we call it in the game industry: Bleed.

I find it pretty amusing that I'm ending my analysis of an inappropriate networking event in the game industry with a psychological term that was found, coined, and studied by our industry. We're the ones who figured out that sometimes psychological emotions can spill outside of the boundaries of an experience/game ("the magic circle") and affect a person's real life! We know this happens in kink too, because we also have to set up a magic circle of our own. Actors, of course, have also known about this for decades.

I also skipped another important psychological phenomena that the kink community calls Dom Drop. People who are new to the role of the Dom/Domme (and even experienced ones too!) have moments after sessions where they deeply question themselves over the pain they inflicted. Even though everything is agreed to and very carefully checked and orchestrated, you can still feel like a monster for dealing harm to someone you care about and want to keep safe. I was warned about this when I first started exploring the role, and I absolutely experienced it too! Would have been good for those girls to have been warned of that, especially as newbie Doms.

Conclusion

Let's use what we've learned and apply it to what we do in our own industry. Should sexual fetish material be at networking events? Probably not.

But if you think you have a valid reason for presenting this content to your audience (such as owning an Intellectual Property that is filled with Vampire Dominatrixes), then here's a few thoughts on how to do it safely for the people you're bringing in:

• Find professionals in kink, such as Pro-Doms, pro-subs, or event speakers, who are very happy to teach this stuff, have good track records, and keep people safe
• Ensure your security team is aware of the signs when a person may be in danger or may be uncomfortable in a social interaction, such as when a person tightens up their body language and minimizes themselves in order to avoid conversation or touch
• Don't tolerate horsing around with equipment, and keep it close to the professionals so it can be supervised
• Keep sexual interactions in a separate space away from your main party. Let people go to it and leave it when they want. THIS IS A PIECE OF CONSENT. I know when I went there were no barriers between the kink and the business. I did not consent to have oil splashed on me or to be touched by the dancers. That was a big problem because it did not allow me to choose how I interacted with those pieces of kink and it got in the way of me trying to do my actual job. At the parties I go to, dancers will always ask you for consent before joining you, and certain experiences are in separated areas.

So there's your long explanation for the formerly short answer. To me, sex isn't bad! Sex education also isn't bad or gross!

But half-assing a series of kink events without adequate security, training, or protection to "just be cool" is never, ever, ever a good idea anywhere. Think carefully before you implement experiences that push someone's boundaries intentionally.

I hope that these events have not lead to harm to anyone who attended them in the past, because I honestly don't know if something happened or not. There's always a likelihood something did happen and the person may not have spoken up. If that is the case, know that my heart goes out to you and I wish I would have learned more about this earlier.

But thank you, everyone, for reading this long winded answer that never appeared in Friday's panel! Until next time...

Ara ara, c'est la vie!

~Astra