Don't ignore the grumps

We all have connections we enjoy and some we don’t. These days it’s dangerously easy to curate the voices around us in such a way that only the nice break through.

Understandable. The nice are often the easiest to satisfy. Friends, colleagues, like-minded observers. They are quick to praise, almost always accepting and seldom unobjectionable in their reactions. Yes, fans are great. Because it’s fun to know that people like us, appreciate our work and celebrate our success. 

Then, there are the others. The grumps.

The grumps can seem impossible to please. They can be incessant in their negativity, believing every engagement is an opportunity to point out what could be better. If there is even a tiny imperfection or point of disagreement, they often use it to cast doubt on everything else.

The temptation to ignore these voices is very high. Don’t!

Grumps can contribute more to our ultimate success. More often than not, they have extremely clear expectations and are unwilling to compromise on those. They challenge our assumptions, question our methods and relentlessly evaluate our impact. Yes, they make us better.

So if you aren’t learning from the grumps, you’re losing out. Go and find these hidden heroes. A few short rules of the road:

1. Look for home inspectors, not arsonists. A good negative voice is out there hitting you because they actually believe you can/should do something about it. The “home inspector” wants you to understand the problem. Others are just out there to try and hurt your interests, to set fires and watch them burn. It’s a very important distinction.
2. Don’t do it for the birthday presents. This isn’t about turning angry, borderline hostile voices into fast friends. Go into these situations looking for perspective about how you can turn challenges into opportunities. Focus on addressing the content, not convincing the messenger. If they’re fair, they’ll eventually acknowledge whatever you do.
3. Keep all expectations in check. People can only accept so much negativity before they stop paying attention. That’s what makes these “hidden heroes” – many others have given up on them. Don’t expect your colleagues to understand the virtue in this approach. Don’t expect a pot of gold at the end of every tirade. Simply keep an open mind and apply the lessons learned.

I love the Netflix series, The Crown, so I’ll leave the final word to Sir Winston Churchill: “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body; it calls attention to the development of an unhealthy state of things. If it is heeded in time, danger may be averted; if it is suppressed, a fatal distemper may develop."