Lorna Borenstein’s Post

Have you ever asked for constructive feedback on something, but then felt like you released a tsunami of negative comments from your team that made you wanna to crawl into a dark place and rock back and forth? Or how about this, when someone voices a problem you immediately try to give a solution only to hear, “You don’t understand where I am coming from.” One more, do you have a habit of trying to explain away every suggestion, comment, or criticism that comes your way? If any of these are you then you are not alone. As a culture, we were never really taught HOW to ask open-ended questions and listen to others. I can’t tell you how many parties I have been to that actually made my back hurt from carrying the conversation the whole time. One of the best ways to have conversations that lead to positive change is by learning motivational interviewing. Originally, it was used to help people overcome substance use challenges and take steps toward recovery, but it has since been used in education, healthcare, and even in the workplace. It has four pillars that will transform the way you talk with your team. These four pillars can be remembered by the acronym OARS, and they stand for: Open-ended questions Affirmations Reflective listening Summarizing. In this video I break each of them down. #leadership #leadershipdevelopment #leaders

They say 'silence is golden' or 'silence means agreement' - we agree with Shane Dore - silence most likely is a result of fear for speaking up. Silence is something you should be keeping an eye on. It often links wonderfully to the HIPPO (Highest Paid Person's Opinion) effect where the highest paid person's opinion carries more weight than anybody else's in the room. Explore silence as it may well be an indicator of a culture that isn't quite as positive as you think. #culture #silence #leadership

**The Power of Listening: A Key to Effective Leadership 🎧🌟** Great leaders know that one of the most powerful tools in their arsenal is the ability to listen. Active listening not only builds trust but also fosters innovation and strengthens team relationships. This Memorial Day weekend, let’s reflect on the importance of listening as a cornerstone of effective leadership. Here are some tips to enhance your listening skills and truly understand your team: 🎯 **Be Present:** Give your full attention to the speaker. Eliminate distractions, make eye contact, and show that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. Being present signals that you value their input. 🗣️ **Listen to Understand, Not to Respond:** Focus on understanding the speaker’s perspective rather than planning your reply. Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase their points to ensure you grasp their message fully. 🤔 **Show Empathy:** Demonstrate empathy by acknowledging the speaker’s feelings and viewpoints. Empathy helps build a deeper connection and shows that you care about their experiences and concerns. 🔄 **Encourage Openness:** Create an environment where team members feel safe to express their thoughts and ideas. Encourage open dialogue and reassure them that their input is valued and respected. 📚 **Practice Reflective Listening:** Repeat back what you’ve heard to confirm understanding. For example, “What I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re saying…”. This technique helps avoid misunderstandings and shows that you are actively engaged. 🔍 **Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Cues:** Pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Non-verbal cues often convey more than words alone and can provide deeper insights into the speaker’s feelings. 💬 **Let’s Engage:** How do you practice active listening in your leadership role? Share your tips, experiences, and challenges in the comments below. Let's inspire each other to become better listeners and, in turn, more effective leaders. #MBGrowth #growth #joy #ActiveListening #Leadership #EffectiveCommunication 🎧🌟 Wishing everyone a meaningful and reflective Memorial Day weekend. Let's honor those who have served by leading with compassion, empathy, and understanding.

As a leader, understanding the distinction between ‘hearing the people’ and ‘listening to the people’ is pivotal. While these terms are often used interchangeably, their implications in leadership are profoundly different. Hearing the People: This is the basic level of receiving information. It involves the passive process of recognizing words and voices. As leaders, when we ‘hear’, we are aware of what is being said, but are we truly capturing the essence? Hearing is often associated with a one-way flow of information, where feedback from the team is acknowledged but not deeply engaged with. It’s like skimming the surface of a vast ocean without exploring its depths. Listening to the People: This, on the contrary, is an active process. It’s about engaging deeply with what is being communicated, both verbally and non-verbally. When we listen, we are not just processing words, but also understanding the emotions, concerns, and ideas behind them. This form of listening creates a two-way dialogue, fostering an environment where team members feel genuinely considered and valued. It’s about diving into that ocean, understanding its currents, and appreciating its depth. In leadership, the transition from hearing to listening can transform the way we connect with our teams. It’s about creating an inclusive culture where every voice matters, leading to more innovative ideas, enhanced team morale, and a stronger sense of belonging. By truly listening, we can better understand the pulse of our company, anticipate challenges, and harness the collective strength of our team. So, let’s ask ourselves: Are we just hearing our team, or are we actively listening to them? The answer to this question can redefine our leadership journey and pave the way for a more empathetic, responsive, and successful organization. #Leadership #TeamEngagement #ActiveListening #EmpatheticLeadership #BusinessCommunication

Leaders deal with countless different inputs each day. It can be emotionally exhausting, and if they’re not careful, that decision fatigue can lead to a short fuse. But you don’t want your team walking on eggshells. Instead, work on noticing when you’re feeling triggered by something. Maybe someone says or does something that frustrates or angers you, or it seems there are inconsiderate demands on your time, and your calendar is bursting at the seams. Pause and notice how you feel. Then, ask yourself this question: “Can I hear their words or actions as a ‘please’?” What needs are they trying to satisfy beneath what they’re saying or doing, and how can you respond in a way that’s in harmony with your values? By approaching these interactions thoughtfully and patiently, you’ll engender greater trust, connection, and enjoyment in the team. This doesn’t mean you can’t be straightforward in your responses. It just means that however you choose to respond, you do so empathically, taking into account the feelings and needs of both you and your team. That’s central to empathic leadership. How do you seek empathy in your interactions with your employees or team members? Are there instances in which you struggle to be an empathic leader? You can get support for this type of situation by using my Mediate Your Life mobile app (linked in my comments), and going to the Peace in Intensity section. #empathy #empathicleadership #leadership #communication #decisionfatigue

Only 10% of leaders truly listen. Shocking? It should be. We're not talking nod-and-smile here. We're talking ultra-specific listening - a game-changer. Most leaders "hear" but rarely "listen." It's a subtle art that can flip tables in your favor. **Listen like Sherlock, not like a sitcom dad.** Ultra-specific listening is about catching the unsaid – the hesitation, the tone, the not-so-obvious. It's about understanding beyond words. The perks? Better team morale, innovative ideas, a trust-rich environment. - **Catch the cues**: Body language speaks volumes. Is your team member fidgety? They're probably not comfortable. Lean in, ask questions. - **Echo-check**: Summarize what you heard. It shows you care and clarifies misunderstandings on the spot. - **Question like a pro**: Don't just ask "Any thoughts?" Ask "How does this impact your work directly?" Specificity sparks relevant responses. - **Silence is golden**: Pause after they speak. It shows you're digesting their words, not just waiting to respond. P.S. Are we too busy talking to really listen? #Leadership #ActiveListening #CommunicationSkills

💚 “You can have many great ideas in your head, but what makes the difference is the action. Without action upon an idea, there will be no manifestation, no results, and no reward.” -Don Miguel Ruiz So as leaders and managers, what happens when people understand what to do, but don’t take the actions to produce results? Here’s the thing … 💚 “You don’t get results by focusing on results. You get results by focusing on the actions that produce results.” - Mike Hawkins.   The mistake some leaders make is assuming that understanding means agreement and acceptance: “If I’ve explained it to them in enough detail, they know what to do.”   I stopped explaining myself when I realised people only understand from their level of perception.   Understanding doesn’t cause action. Some people wait for action to spontaneously appear. 🛑Feeling threatened or opposing what a leader is proposing breeds reluctance and resistance. 🛑Finding reasons for it not to work and questioning everything to get absolute certainty, can be another form of resisting action. Creating certainty lifts the level of psychological safety. 💚 As leaders, it’s important to develop our self-awareness through listening to ensure people approve of the idea … or at least are willing to align and engage in a productive conversation.   💚 Being self-aware of our biases, beliefs and emotional triggers enables us to understand our opinions and agendas that get in the way of the conversation. The point is … 🛑 More conversation may create more understanding. It may not trigger effective action. 💚Inclusive performance conversations happen through future based language; making requests, gaining agreement, committed promises for action and focused feedback for mutual success. The bottom line is …   💚 “A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do. Nothing else.” – Gandhi.   Need help with implementing inclusive performance conversations? Ask me how. #leadershipconversations #performance #trust #respect #understandingtoaction Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels

Guess what is an utterly mind-boggling statement ➡ People Talk! I hope you catch my sarcasm there 😁 As a leader, you will have to navigate hearing all sorts of conversations, directly and indirectly, from your team. It may be about personal lives, political views, religious stances, reactions to leadership decisions, team grumblings - you name it, you'll probably hear about it. Some may be flattering, some conversations may not. Some are important for you to step into, while others you must remain neutral and uninvolved. So, how do you choose when to step in, and when to step back? We're not going to get it right every time but set baselines around what are the core values of your company, not around what you personally believe. Maybe that's controversial, but how can you hold everyone to the same standard when you believe the standard is different? It's like communicating to your team that they need to only be using Slack, but then getting onto them because they're not responding on Teams 🙃 People are going to talk, and I'm okay with that. As a leader, I cannot control that (and shoot, if I did? I don't think I'd be leading well.) So, I will step in if I see a team member not operating against core values, not if I think they said something I wouldn't say. I will seek to understand why, and then point them to our core values. I will strive to ensure they are clear on our core values. I will uphold those baselines. If the core values aren't clear, or they're falling short? Then, that's on me to ensure our leadership team is refining the values to make a way for clarity. People are going to talk, you can't control that. But you can control how you act and react (or, refrain from acting). What do you think??

"If you don't have anything nice to say" — As a leader, still say it. With radical candor, feedback is a gift, not a punishment. I was an engineer for over a decade. My creative personality made me a natural choice for leadership. But I was not a strong manager at the start... I feared the difficult parts of management: Holding people accountable I couldn't fathom the idea of firing anyone. During my time at Qualtrics, everything changed after I was exposed to Kim Scott's new book and leadership philosophy: Radical Candor. I avoided tough conversations to avoid hurt feelings thinking I was being empathetic. But really, I was withholding important feedback from my team. Radical Candor boils down to two key principles: 1) Care Personally - Get to know your team members as human beings. Learn about their lives, struggles, goals. Show you have their best interests at heart. 2) Challenge Directly - Don't beat around the bush. Give specific, honest feedback - both positive and negative - to help each person continually grow and improve. When you challenge without caring, you come across as a cruel jerk. When you care without challenging, you're not helping people reach their potential. Radical candor is that sweet spot in the middle where you have each person's back while also pushing them to be better. It takes courage and practice but makes you a better leader.

It's about time we addressed the elephant in the room - 𝘃𝗮𝗴𝘂𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 fail, period. Here's a better way for leaders to engage employees: When a leader asks something like, "Can you give me a call? I need to talk to you about something." People react in one of five ways to a message like this from their boss: 1. 𝗡𝗲𝘂𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗹: "My boss needs to speak to me." 2. 𝗔𝗻𝘅𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: "I'm fired. What did I do???" [String of expletives.] 3. 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱: "Is this about that mistake I made last week?" 4. 𝗖𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀: "Am I getting a new project?" 5. 𝗛𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗳𝘂𝗹: "Could this be about a promotion or new opportunity?" This is one of those things no one teaches you when you move into a leadership role, but it matters - 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺, 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆. ALL of your employees are probably stressed out enough already. That takes a toll. So, adding to their stress does not help anyone or anything. 𝗔 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰. Even if you just want to ask, "Can you hop on a call for a second?" try this instead: "𝗜 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗫. 𝗖𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗼𝗽 𝗼𝗻 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮 𝘀𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱?" Not only is this more considerate, but they will also come to the call with the right context (and fewer gray hairs). I'm constantly working on improving this myself because sometimes I don't follow my advice as well as I should. Being specific and clear in communication can significantly reduce unnecessary stress and improve team morale. Did I miss any reactions? Your thoughts? #Leadership #Communication #EmotionalIntelligence #TeamSuccess