Deborah Liu’s Post

Growing up I suffered from panic attacks. I still remember the feeling of my heart racing and barely being able to breathe. I never told my parents what was happening. My immigrant parents didn’t believe that I even had allergies, much less something as foreign as anxiety. In the latest Tiger Mom and Her Cub column, Bethany Liu and I discuss how she and her brother both experience anxiety and how I learned to navigate it differently as a parent. I don’t want it to define them, but I also want them to know that I see their struggle. It has been a delicate balance to maintain. Bethany said, “In some ways, my anxiety feels like a type of inadequacy. “ I don’t want my kids to be scared to tell me their struggles, but I also want them to see that this is a challenge that can be overcome. This column opened a dialogue about mental health in our family. It also made me reflect on how my own experiences shape my parenting, and while I want to maintain the love and care my parents offered me, I also want to be more open to differences that I don’t initially understand. As parents, we often wonder if we're doing the right thing. We are handed these little humans and sent home without a manual.  This exchange with Bethany has given me more food for thought on how we can support our children in their mental health, but also leverage our own experience to help them overcome challenges. Funnily enough, she closed questioning my bonafides as a “real tiger mom”. I’ll take that as a compliment. Let me know what you think of this month’s column. Link in comments.

I grew up with a lot of financial instability. My parents came to America with little. My dad used to tell me stories about how he could only afford to eat rice with milk for dinner. He never let us waste food because he knew what it meant to go hungry. Because of how little my parents had and how much money worried them, I am frugal. I spent my childhood wondering if we could make the mortgage or what would happen if my Dad lost his job, and I wondered if I passed that anxiety onto my kids.  In the latest Tiger Mom and Her Cub column, Bethany and I discuss her thoughts on money, frugality, and family expectations. I drive a 14 year-old car. We still sit on the couches bought 20 years ago. We ride used bikes from FB Marketplace. I maintain a level of frugality that my late dad would have been proud of. When Bethany wanted to write about this, I didn’t know what she would say. I was concerned that I had passed along our generational anxiety about money or that I had shielded them so much that they didn’t understand what it took for their grandparents to go to a new country and make a new life. Her perspective and introspection surprised me. I think these intergenerational discussions have been healthy for us because it lets us write out our feelings to each other. Let me know what you think of this month’s column.

I grew up in a small town outside of Charleston, SC. It was a place where the legacy of slavery was all around us. We took school field trips to plantations, toured the downtown historic markets where auctions were held, and played along Charleston Harbor where 40% of the enslaved people were brought into America. This week Ancestry launched ‘Articles of Enslavement’ - a new free collection of pre-1870 newspaper articles that include details on more than 183,000 enslaved people in the United States. Many of their names and lives were hidden before, and now with the power of AI, we can ensure we don’t forget who they were. It was heartbreaking to read these auction ads alongside other newspaper ads for the sale of ships, glassware, and real estate, underscoring how slavery was normalized in everyday life. While this content can be hard to read, it’s an important part of this country’s story, and we’re committed to preserving all parts of history, even the challenging ones.

Discussing dating with teens is a fraught exercise. My parents were strict adherents to the - No Dating Until College rule which my sister and I followed. We never broke curfew, never snuck out, and never did all of the things most teens experimented with. Raising teens in today’s environment is totally different. So in this month’s column, Bethany and I explore the topic of dating. Like my own parents, we told the kids not to date until college. My parents wanted me to concentrate on high school, and since we lived in a small town in the South, I had no interest in anything that would hold me back or tie me to that place. Bethany felt somewhat differently. She sees high school dating is ” just dating” and learning how to interact with someone else, not focused on dating to marry. Within the confines of high school she said her friends only spend time together at school and enjoy each other’s company without pressure or expectations. She also countered that it is better to have your first breakup when your family is right there with you rather than when you’re in college alone. My worry is -- you are what you allow into your life. Having a bad relationship in high school can leave scars and baggage that you carry in each future relationship. Bethany felt this was like the training wheels of learning to navigate the perils of relationships I think delaying dating gives you more of a chance to figure out who you are before you find yourself in a relationship where you might feel pressure and expectations you would not be able to handle. Bethany thinks I should consider more perspectives on this issue that can also lead to healthy growth and healthy relationships in the future. She told me she won’t date in high school but she asserted that the rebel in the family is her little sister. She fully expects Danielle to push every boundary we set. We shall see. 

“At its core, influence is the property of people wanting your help. Not needing it. Not being required to have it. But wanting it.”  Boz from Meta Influence is one of those things that makes the world go round but we often see it as something we do to others, not something that others invite from us. Yue Z. wrote about influence recently as a guest on my newsletter. How do we reframe influence as “how can I help you?” 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 We get influence all wrong. We think it is about getting someone to do something. But what if we thought about it as how to “support someone”. Suddenly, the framing changes. By aligning ourselves with their goals, ambitions, and concerns, we are helping them and achieving something along the way. We consider our strengths and superpowers, and how they might help fill gaps in their work or accelerate a critical task. This is how influence is built - little by little by being honest and true to what we can help with. 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 But what leads someone to want your help? 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞: It means knowing what you are particularly good at compared to others, as well as where you tend to fall short (and when to say no or not now). 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞: It's about letting others know that you are there to help—and that you’re open to being influenced by them, too.  𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝:Take responsibility for how you make others feel. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 Introverts often think they have limited influence but that is not the case. It can be done quietly and powerfully one on one. It doesn’t mean you have to be the loudest one in the room. Introverted leaders are adept at working quietly aligning people toward common goals, and getting past deadlocks. 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 It is possible to have influence without authority and to have authority without (much) influence. There is no replacement taking the time to build your expertise and credibility, so that people come to you for help. When you frame influence out of the mindset of me and rather what you can do for someone else, you look at how you can influence differently. Thanks to Yue for sharing such thoughtful insights.

𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐜 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐢𝐭. In 2016, a group of women PMs who didn’t know each other were at dinner together and decided to launch a conference and a community. Our first event welcomed 300 attendees and had over 3000 applications. That is how Women In Product was born. Today we are a community of over 30,000 with chapters all over the world. We are a group of women who support one another as we build products, innovate in new spaces, and navigate careers. Together, we are stronger. I'm excited about this year's conference and the diverse range of topics our speakers will cover related to women in the product field. The 2024 Women in Product Event will be held virtually on May 14th and 15th. With amazing speakers, breakout sessions, and career coaching opportunities, I hope you'll join us for this empowering experience! Purchase your tickets here: https://lnkd.in/g8TFcR9G

𝐀 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐦 - 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐦𝐚’𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠? 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧? In this month’s column “A Tiger Mom and Her Cub”, my daughter Bethany Liu wanted to share her thoughts on her brother’s choice of skipping my mom’s funeral in favor of brother, a speech and debate tournament.   A few days before the service, my son, Jonathan reminded us that the Speech and Debate National Qualifier for his region was on the same weekend as the memorial service. This was a tournament that both of my older kids - Jonathan and Bethany had signed up for before my mom passed. Silently I had hoped that there would be no need for a discussion, and we would all go to the memorial service. Bethany chose to drop out of the tournament, a combination of respect for her grandmother and her expectation that she wouldn’t be able to make it to Nationals. I would have liked Jonathan to willingly attend Popo’s memorial service, but since he was almost 18, I wanted him to decide for himself. I knew I could ask him to stay and be at the service, but once I gave him a choice, I felt the need to honor it. For my son, speech and debate was important to him. He struggled with anxiety during his first couple years in high school. Popo was always there to cheer him on and listen to him practice his speeches. Reflecting back, my mom would have wanted him to go and try to make it to Nationals. I realized that in his own way, he was honoring his grandmother’s memory by competing. When Bethany wanted to write a column about this, I was torn. I wanted to know her feelings (and teens are bad at telling their parents these things), but I also struggled so much with his decision that I didn’t want to air my own feelings. Writing these monthly columns together has changed our relationship in new and novel ways. I hope you will read it and tell me what you think of this real-life dilemma.  Link in the comments.

Growing up in a small town in South Carolina, I always felt out of place. People around me felt the need to remind me daily that I didn't belong. It would have meant so much to me to have a mentor who could help me feel accepted. That's why it's so important to me that my children have mentors they can connect with. Seeing what's possible is crucial. Join me and my good friend Ha Nguyen this Friday at 9 am PT for a panel discussion! We'll be talking about our experiences and how having mentors has helped our children thrive.

In sharing and preserving family stories at Ancestry, we see how so much of our lives are shaped by the decisions of those who came before us. Just like our ancestors, the choices we make today can have a profound impact on the lives of future generations.   I’m thrilled to share Ancestry's annual impact report. Giving back is extremely important to me in both my personal and professional life and I couldn’t be more proud of the team at Ancestry for the strides we’ve made to build more connected, resilient, and #sustainable communities for generations to come   In 2023 we launched a new AncestryDNA kit made of recycled materials, reducing carbon emissions by 21%, embarked on our second HistoryMakers National College Tour and Scholarship program, added 910 new DNA communities to support more diverse customers globally, and provided more than 10.5M+ students access to Ancestry records through AncestryClassroom at no cost.    Thank you for being part of this important journey with us.  

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐨𝐰𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬? My husband David and I discussed this obligation early in our relationship when I was 19 and he was 22. Being an only child, he understood we would eventually need to care for his parents as well as mine. With their health declining, we began building a home to accommodate them alongside my widowed mother, who had lived with us for 12 years already. We didn’t view the caregiving role as a burden, but rather a way to honor the immense sacrifices they made for us. My mom passed away on March 8th.  That means that all three elderly parents passed away within the last eight months before we could bring them under one roof. However, I did worry about the weight this placed on our three children. They had to miss out on experiences due to us tending to their grandparents' needs. I wondered what they thought about our living situation, but their grandparents had been a part of their lives for so long, I am not sure they knew any different. I'm grateful my kids were able to share their formative years with their grandparents present, but I also know their childhood could have been very different. When Bethany Liu wanted to write her article this month to honor her grandparents, I was supportive but also apprehensive. You can read her point of view and her ambivalence. I am glad she is wrestling with the issue now so that we can discuss and explore it together.  Link in comments.