The Last Goodbye: How to Plan a Funeral

This still popular choice often gets a more personalized spin these days. It’s all in the details, which you get to choose.

These burials may be what their name suggests—traditional—but lately they tend to come with more personal touches, says Glenda Stansbury, a licensed funeral director and celebrant in the Oklahoma City area: “I see more focus on telling a person’s life story” than on a religious ceremony.

And many details are up to you. For instance, embalming may not be mandatory, though it’s strongly suggested for open-casket services. The only musts are the fees for basic services (funeral planning, transporting and storing remains, permits, copies of the death certificate) and anything the state calls for.

How to choose? Ask for prices at a couple of local funeral homes. A typical package may include everything the fee for basic services covers, a visitation or viewing and/or a graveside service, the use of a hearse and limousines, and embalming and dressing the body. With a $2,500 casket and $1,700 vault (a concrete box for the casket), the cost is nearly $10,000—and can run higher.

A funeral home must give you a list of its goods and services when you call or visit, says Melissa Dickey, an attorney and co-coordinator of the Federal Trade Commission’s Funeral Rule program. That won’t include sales tax, the cemetery plot (often $2,000 and up), and fees for opening and closing the grave ($900 and up). A headstone adds another $1,000 to $3,000 on average, according to Empathy, a website that offers what it calls a “comprehensive support system” for bereaved families.

If you have a set amount to spend, “let the funeral director know, and see what they can put together for you,” says Christopher P. Robinson, president-elect of the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA).

There’s another increasingly popular option: a home funeral, the norm in the U.S. before the 19th century, says Shannon Lee Dawdy, PhD, a University of Chicago anthropologist and author of “American Afterlives” (Princeton University Press, 2021). The body remains at home for several days as family and friends say their farewells. Some people also have a formal funeral service there. Get more information at homefuneralalliance.org.

It’s America’s favorite exit strategy and is expected to become even more common.

Cremation, which has outstripped burial in recent years by 60.5 percent vs. 34.5 percent, according to the NFDA, typically involves using heat and flames to reduce human remains to tiny bone fragments commonly called ashes but more accurately referred to as “cremains.”

Beyond the basics, you’ve got several options. The least expensive and most straightforward is direct cremation, where the body goes to a crematorium without a viewing or service. While costs vary, the NFDA lists a national average price of $3,290, and Cremation.com quotes an average of $2,000.

You may also find much lower prices. For instance, some ads for direct cremation in New York State cite starting fees of $595; services like transporting the body may increase costs.

If you instead choose a funeral home viewing, with embalming and preparing the body (recommended for a viewing), and transferring cremains back to the family, the median price in 2023 was $4,665. A formal service before cremation costs an additional $1,615.

As with traditional burials, it’s wise to check with a couple of providers before you choose one. Some funeral homes have their own crematoriums, and many others can help you make arrangements with local facilities, including those for direct cremation. The Cremation Association of North America offers a directory at cremationassociation.org.

You’ll also want to plan for what to do with the cremains after any ceremony is over. Some people keep them at home in a container they choose. Funeral homes typically offer these, at a median price of $295. Amazon has carved rosewood boxes for $13 and up, and urns for $15 and up. Or cremains can be divided among family members. You’ll find mini urns and small decorative or commemorative boxes for that purpose with a Google search.

Cremains can also be placed in a columbarium (a bookcase-like structure at a cemetery that holds urns) at a cost that can range from about $750 to $3,125, according to Cremation.com. And some people bury cremains in a cemetery, a pricier option because you have to pay for the plot and cover other cemetery fees. If you want to scatter the ashes, some cemeteries allow this in certain areas, as do some public spaces. Check the rules first. For instance, you can sprinkle cremains in parts of Yosemite National Park, but you need permission.

Here are options that are more eco-friendly and often less costly than a traditional burial or cremation.

Green Burial
You dig a grave by hand and cover the body with dirt. That’s a green burial, which generally uses no chemicals—such as embalming fluid—“and no outer burial container except those that are biodegradable,” says Edward Bixby, founder of the Global Green Burial Alliance. Instead of a headstone, you can save GPS coordinates to the plot.

Green cemeteries (some located within traditional cemeteries) tend to look like nature preserves with paths. Check greenburialcouncil.org for providers who can work with you.

Depending on factors like your location and the options you choose (will the body be wrapped in a cotton shroud or placed in a biodegradable casket?), these may range from $2,000 to $5,000.

It’s wise to consider how to cover funeral costs ahead of time. But what’s the best way? Here, the pros and cons of three options.

Opening a final expenses bank account. An interest-bearing “payable on death” savings account is a smart way to set aside money for arrangements. When the time comes, the funds can be transferred to an appointed family member or friend. Ask at your bank or credit union.

Paying in advance. It’s fine to purchase a burial plot well before it’s needed, but funeral directors also often suggest prepaying for funeral home services. This isn’t necessarily in your best interest, according to the nonprofit Funeral Consumers Alliance (FCA). What if the funeral home closes or your survivors don’t know or forget that you prepaid?

Buying an insurance policy. Burial insurance (also known as final expense insurance) pays $5,000 to $25,000 when you die, with monthly premiums of about $50 to $100 for a $10,000 death benefit. Some funeral homes and insurance agents and brokers offer “pre-need” insurance in which you pick a funeral package and the payout goes to a specific funeral home after your death. In both of those cases, you’ll likely spend more on premiums than the policies pay out, according to the FCA. Some policies also have waiting periods of, say, one to three years. If you die too soon into the policy, your survivors may get far less than the full amount.