I recently met a former US ambassador who had served in a challenging post in an important country and achieved great results.

“What is the difference between a good and bad ambassador?” I asked.

Without missing a beat, he replied “When you meet the top person – the head of state or the ambassador or the CEO – make sure you don’t ignore the others in the room. Make sure you get to know the people underneath the top people…and then the people underneath them. They will matter a lot more to you”

He proceeded to talk of how multiple times he managed to get things done not because he had influence with the top person but thanks to the relationships he had built with their reports and their reports. He knew the names of their kids, whether they hated their bosses, who was in power and who wasn’t, what their hopes were and had active relationships with all.

Any smart deal maker or diplomat intuitively knows this but I’m shocked by how often people can be dismissive to the less senior people. This is not just bad manners but can easily work against your case. I use “top person” to mean any ultimate decision maker (CEO, head of state, senior exec).

• The top person will not have the time to dig into the details of what you want (deal, request, favor, escalation) . They will almost always hand it off to some of their reports who can then choose to prioritize it or or not in any number of ways.
• Once you get a nod from the top person, you can’t go back to them again easily. If you’re stuck with the team underneath not making progress and you surface it back to the top person, you might make the whole thing awkward in ways that will be irretrievable.
• The top people will rarely want to overrule their team for an outsider – that will cause them enormous internal headaches and issues.
• The junior people always have more time and passions that might align with yours. They might want to impress you because they want a future job with you or want to work in your industry in the future. Or maybe they just follow your podcast or Twitter account and like you. You can invite them to your events, send them introductions, grab a coffee with them, build genuine relationships in ways that may be impossible with a much busier senior person.
• They have more discretion over the details and can nudge a decision your way where for a top person to intervene would raise eyebrows. You will have lot more success getting an Apple PM or Google PM to fix your issue than emailing Tim Cook or Sundar. I know of at least one industry defining partnership that happened because a 23 year old marketing manager was a good friend with a little known (the) startup’s founder.
  
  What to NOT do
  On the flip side, I’ve easily seen people blow up their own cause by not understanding this.
• Going over people’s heads. I remember multiple instances of someone emailing Zuck insulting a team and that email getting directly fowarded to the team in question. Be assured nothing got done after. In one memorable case, a famous outsider called a Facebook PM “junior” which did not help his cause to put it mildly.
• “Exec shopping”- trying to email multiple people in the same organization hopping one gives them a better answer. They will all email each other and just annoy the person you first made contact with.
• Trying to endrun the other org’s process. You need to deeply understand the process the other organization has. Maybe the top person blessed your ask but they need to have an official meeting or approval or sign-off. By disrespecting or ignoring it, you will destroy your chances.
  
  What to DO
  
  The key is simple: build authentic relationships that understand the other people’s needs.
• Map out the entire org chart. Meet every single person individually. Understand their role in the organization, the values embedded, who has real influence. Most critically : who is the closest to the decision you need? (Hint: it is rarely the top person)
• Understand the *processes* of the other organization. Who needs to sign off on decision? Who has the power to get things done or block it? How can you help them with their process?
• Find ways to add value without needing something back. It could be ways small (offer advice, help with an introduction) or just showing up time and again. Don’t underestimate the power of genuine connection and just showing up.
• When you need a favor in an emergency, make sure you recognize the cost to them and repay it later.
• When the organization changes (promotions, departures, changes), make sure you stay close to it and meet the new people and also maintain ties to the people who may be less relevant to you now. Being seen as transactional is death in many cultures.