9 Things You Should Never Say To A Dragon Age Fan

Dragon Age: Inquisition’s pivot into an “open zone” format in which you can explore several big maps is an adjustment for most players going through the series. It also goes against some players’ tendencies to try and look through every nook and cranny of an open-world map to find its secrets. You’re not meant to spend hours in The Hinterlands, the first big zone you unlock in Inquisition. And if you did, you’re missing out on a whole lot of game— the best parts of it, most would say. So if you got so caught up in doing side quests and collecting all the menial bullshit BioWare placed around that first map, maybe avoid broadcasting that.

I know this one is a sore subject from personal experience. Each Dragon Age game has a different protagonist, and that trend is continuing into The Veilguard as Rook replaces the Inquisitor from Inquisition. However, the Inquisitor’s story is nowhere near finished by the time Inquisition’s over, and it’s only made more personal for them at the end of the Trespasser DLC. However, I know that suggesting that the Inquisitor should have been the protagonist fighting Solas in The Veilguard will inevitably get you responses pointing out how Dragon Age has always changed protagonists and to question if that’s effective or not is to question the natural order. So no matter how unsatisfying a former protagonist’s role in the continuation of their own story is, do not suggest that there is a better way, because someone will try to explain away your concerns.

Look, everyone has their preferred characters in a party-driven RPG, and sometimes you might not align with the perceived consensus. But do not attack the hairy-chested dwarven storyteller. He is Dragon Age fans’ caring father and also sweet baby boy.

Nobody asked you to pit two bad bitches against one another. Though, yes, Baldur’s Gate 3 is an homage to the CRPGs of old just like Dragon Age: Origins was, Dragon Age has deviated so far from its own roots that at this point you’re comparing apples to oranges on the shallow basis that they are both fantasy games. Find a more interesting way to talk about the things you like and don’t like beyond comparison.

To this day, I’m still kinda baffled at how a villain as sympathetic as Solas, the Dread Wolf, the party member of Inquisition turned antagonist in The Veilguard, has such fervent haters. Yeah, he’s trying to watch the world burn so he can correct what he believes to be a mistake of his own doing. But suggest that to some Dragon Age fans and they are gobsmacked at the idea that Solas is anything other than a deceptive, mustache-twirling villain.

When I said this was something you should not say to a Dragon Age fan, I specifically meant me. I am the Dragon Age fan who does not wish to hear this, you monster.

Siding with the Templars instead of the Mages is a gross choice no matter when you make it. This is actually applicable to all three Dragon Age games—is just as reprehensible a decision in Origins as it is in Inquisition. If you made that decision in Dragon Age II, though, you’re a bastard, because that game gives you no justifiable reason to side with the mage jailors over the oppressed group. Hide your shame, frien-, actually, no. You’re no friend of mine. You keep that shit to yourself.

Over the years I’ve found that nearly every section of Dragon Age: Origins has its haters, but disliking the Fade section of the Circle of Magi chapter is a meme at this point. Yeah, it’s overly long, perhaps too complicated in the way it introduces so many mechanics the game won’t use again, and it’s such a momentum-killing detour that you’ve practically forgotten what you were doing when you finish it. But you could also argue that it’s a fascinating microcosm of game design that even if it does bring the pacing of Origins to a screeching halt, it’s worth respecting—no, no, the meme must live on.

“We all like a bad boy though, don’t we?”

“Yeah, not a fucking terrorist.”

There is at least some nuance to the event in which Anders, Dragon Age II’s possessed revolutionary mage, blows up a church and sparks a war between the mages and templars. But to some, the narrative that he is a terrorist beyond redemption is much sexier. Dragon Age II’s entire schtick is about watching how mages in this universe are victims of never-ending oppression, cornered into taking desperate measures to survive. After the events of the game unfold, Anders is no longer able to idly watch the rest of the world do nothing, so he takes extreme action.

But uh, he blew up a church and people died so he’s bad and his viewpoint is not worth hearing out. Right? That’s what we’re supposed to say?

Anyway, if you don’t want to end up in an hours-long discussion about Dragon Age’s depiction of an oppressed class of people rising against their oppressors, just avoid the topic.

We’ll no doubt have more we could add to this when Dragon Age: The Veilguard launches on PC, PlayStation 5, and Xbox Series X/S this fall. It’s taking us to the Tevinter Imperium, which no doubt has its own controversial characters, topics, and moments awaiting us. What if people get touchy about wanting to fuck the old man mage?