1. |
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I am always working but I don’t have any money
You’re always telling jokes but none of them are funny
I am folding pamphlets and disturbing the peace
You are painting signs that say "De-Friend The Police"
I am dropping out of school to go to the park
If you’re the light of my life why is it always so dark?
I don’t know anything
You don’t know anything
We don’t know anything together
Life hands you problems, make problemade
Life hands you wages, minimum wage
The popcorn ceiling, the great divide
If you think I suck would you keep it to yourself?
You must be thinking of someone else
I am always hungry and I don’t have any cake
You are always on a plane and the plane is full of snakes
You are super fun. You’re a really nice guy.
And I’m a psychological Superfund site
I am yelling “someone’s in here” from the bathroom stall of life
You are logging onto Tinder getting zero Super Likes
I don’t like anything
You don’t like anything
We don’t like anything together
Life hands you problems, make problemade
Life hands you wages, minimum wage
The popcorn ceiling, the great divide
If you think this sucks would you keep it to yourself?
You must be thinking of something else
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2. |
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|
Coffee from the bank
Fritos isn't free
I only want to be with other people like me
Advil, Tylenol
There is no relief
I only want to be with other people like me
Let's just assume, for the sake of argument
That Chapstick causes chapped lips
And sunscreen causes sunburns
And music causes hearing loss
And bottled water makes you thirsty
And I am just a cat watching another cat on TV
I lit a match
I threw it in the trash
I tossed it all in the dumpster
The dumpster fire got bigger
Now we need a bigger dumpster and a book of matches
Everything is fine
Everything is fine
Everything is fine
I caught a cold
I coughed on all my friends
Now everyone is coughing on everybody else
And we're coughing on our doctors and our doctors cough out:
"Everything is fine!
Everything is fine!
Everything is fine!"
I crossed the street against the light
It backed up all the traffic
The drivers start to get out and confront me in the intersection
They are screaming:
"Everything is fine!
Everything is fine!
Everything is fine!"
Doing improv
Coffee, juice or tea?
I only want to be with other people like me
Seal Team 6 is here saging everything
I only want to be with other people like me
Let's just assume, for the sake of argument
That Chapstick causes chapped lips
And sunscreen causes sunburns
And music causes hearing loss
And bottled water makes you thirsty
And I am just a dog watching another dog on TV
|
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3. |
Pledge Drive
02:44
|
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|
I am living in an extra large box
It’s a nice big house with a TV/VCR
Where rats are eating all my earthly possessions
I called the pledge drive. I got the suicide hotline
Life’s little moments in an extra large box
Courting controversy in an esoteric field
Why don’t the police ever obey the law?
I don’t know anything. You don’t know anything
Statistically likely to be wearing a shirt
A shirt so white and starched you could spill coffee on it
Statistically likely to be trying to stay hydrated (but not that hydrated)
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
No one is mad at me
If woke dudes must die, I’ll go first
I don’t know anything. You don’t know anything
If we must dumpster dive, I’ll go first
I don’t know anything. You don’t know anything
And if you think youth has been wasted on the young and the wasted
And so now one of us has to die, I’ll go first
I don’t know anything. You don’t know anything
I am a supergrain, I’m native to Peru
I thrive in the elevations of the Andes mountain range
I am arguably ruining the environment and the local economy
And you can substitute me for bulgur wheat
This mob of teens with sponges is ready to wash your car
I’m standing in the Wendy’s drive-thru screaming “FUCK ALL THE TRANSPHOBES”
I feel nothing and I’m 14-inches tall
I don’t know anything. You don’t know anything
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4. |
I Feel So Weird!
02:36
|
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|
I’m at the Jamba Juice
I’m at the therapist
I’m at the combination Jamba Juice and therapist
Don’t shoot your shot
Hey, are you goth?
Yeah, Todd
Something familiar from every day starts to seem alien when you repeat it and repeat it and repeat it and repeat it
The difference between me and a dog is, I’m taller
Think about it. Just, think about it.
Look mom! I’m trying! I fixed all my problems!
Why do I feel so weird?
It’s right under my nose, punching me in the face
Why do I feel so weird?
My brain is full of barking dogs
My guts are full of barking dogs
My heart is full of barking dogs
My soul is full of barking dogs
Look mom! I’m trying! I watered all the plants!
Why do I feel so weird?
Why do I feel so weird?
I already puked
I almost feel better
I am a slumpy plant and I need carbonated water
I could get so much done if I didn’t have to sleep any more
But then I would be tired
It’s hard to acknowledge something obvious when it’s really obvious
I’m feeling good, but I’m sure it will pass
It’s the 10 year anniversary of everything from 10 years ago
Think about it. Just, think about it.
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5. |
Featured Singer
04:01
|
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|
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
A song that is a paean to human potential
And when they put on my song, DJs all around the world will say
"Come on! Let me feel your energy"
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
The one they play at parties on fraternity row
The one that uplifts your spirit
And bothers your roommate
And throbs throbs throbs through the walls of the warehouse
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
Wedding DJs will cringe when it is requested
Spin Magazine, The Needle Drop and Reader's Digest won't even review it
But kids will choreograph elaborate dances to my voice on TikTok
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
No one will march to it in the streets looking for a brighter day
But ukulele covers of it will crowd your YouTube suggestions
And Art Laboe will send it out with a dedication to a dog named Snuggles
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
It's the role I was born to play: completely faceless, but for a few months I will be everywhere
Uplifting your spirit
Bothering your roommate
I will throb throb throb through the walls of the warehouse
Now turn on your phone light and wave it around
Turn on your phone light and wave it around
Turn on your phone light and wave it around
No problem you can Venmo me back later for the ketamine Diane, did you know this stuff was made for horses?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Everybody now ...
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
I want to be the featured singer on an EDM song
Come on! Let me feel your energy
|
||||
6. |
Noodles
00:57
|
|||
|
Yeah
A big cup of noodles
A giant cup of noodles
|
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7. |
||||
|
I'm doing nothing like melatonin
I'm doing nothing like I'm verified
I'm holding out for important changes
I light nine candles for minimum wages
For the garbage man election day is still garbage day anyway
Next year in Jerusalem, OK
Your dad was a congressman
My dad was a dumpster-diving freegan
Dr. Bronner was not a real doctor
The name was mostly aspirational
For the garbage man election day is still garbage day nonetheless
Next year in Jerusalem, I guess
You just might understand this
This is not about a plane, train or automobile
Won't you understand?
Don't you understand me?
This is not about a plane, train or automobile
Won't you understand?
Don't you understand?
For the garbage man election day is still garbage day anyway
Next year in Jerusalem, OK
|
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8. |
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|
He’s tall
He’s lean
He reeks of gasoline
And he has perfect credit, if you know what I mean
He is the air conditioning man
And he is keeping you cool with his giant fan
And I, on the other hand
I hope this bagel will never end
But he’s your ruthless dictator!
He’s your enlightened plutocrat!
He is dancing on the table in a shirt made of hats!
You didn’t start the bonfire of the vanities
But you’re tossing in our clothes and our humanities
And once a year, we act like we were glad you were born
You always want to bomb the Middle East on the weekend
When we could be cutting grass or eating cheese with your girlfriend
We could learn to read and write in Portuguese or Korean
But you always want to bomb the Middle East
You always want to bomb the Middle East on vacation
When we could just write a novel or recline in frustration
We could occupy the park across the street with a squirt gun
But you always want to bomb the Middle East
It’s crude
It’s rude
It’s full of toxins dude
It’s the underground hero to a special few
It ain’t broke so don’t fix it
And never change
No matter what
Meanwhile I?
I’m going to back school!
I’ve been eating mush all week and it’s time for round food!
But he’s your ruthless dictator!
He’s your straw man strongman!
He’s taking you to the Cinderella’s Castle of Shame at Disneyland!
We didn’t start the bonfire of the vanities
But we’re tossing in our clothes and our humanities
And once a year, we act like we were glad you were born
You always want to bomb the Middle East on the weekend
When we could be cutting grass or eating cheese with your girlfriend
We could learn to read and write in Portuguese or Korean
But you always want to bomb the Middle East
You always want to bomb the Middle East on vacation
When we could just write a paean or recline in frustration
You could occupy the park across the street with a Nerf gun
But you always want to bomb the Middle East
I didn’t start the bonfire of the vanities
But I’m tossing in my clothes and my humanity
And once a year, I act like I was glad I was born
You always want to bomb the Middle East on the weekend
When we could be cutting grass or planting trees with your girlfriend
We could learn to read and write in Cantonese or Italian
But you always want to bomb the Middle East
You always want to bomb the Middle East on vacation
When we could just write a poem or recline in frustration
You could occupy the park across the street with a squirt gun
But you always want to bomb the Middle East
|
||||
9. |
Friends
02:29
|
|||
|
Sheesh! I hear breathing and I don’t want to hear it
There’s prescription pills for that, find them on clearance
It might be a hobby. It might be obsession
Jokes or bacon wrapped around something offensive?
Left your final concert right before the encore
Asked my therapist to tell me who I’m gonna vote for
We don’t have to be friends
Everything is pregnant with problems
We don’t have to be friends
Cinnabons but nobody wants them
We have a weak connection and it’s only for show
We don’t have to be friends
I’m sitting down because it’s good for the soul
Sheesh! Do you think you could develop any other interests?
Model painting, rock climbing, unlawful arrests
The vastness of the universe. The shortness of life
You know what? You’ll scratch your back and I’ll scratch mine
Left your final concert right before the encore
Ask your therapist to tell you who you’re gonna vote for
|
||||
10. |
||||
|
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
my heart has hiccups, there's no relief
i'm eating salad and speaking my peace
i'm yelling "yo" outside your building at night
they call me Yo Guy
they call the police
i exercise so much to get you off my mind
i tried to cut my hair just like the band you like
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
my heart's head is getting a headache
i'm getting nauseous and puking up flowers
i hit my head on something twice in a row
i got a papercut from digging through your trash
i exercise so much to get you off my mind
i tried to cut my hair just like the band you like
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
i liked it better when you were standing next to me
yo
shut the fuck up!
|
||||
11. |
Vegan Water
04:20
|
|||
|
I can’t communicate my needs and I don’t care if I smell good
Ain’t too proud to beg
Ain’t too proud to steal leftover dessert off another table
A black hole full of noodles
Vegan water in the sink
Ain’t too proud to plead
Baby you can knife my tires
All my friends are imaginary
I can do no wrong
I’m a corporatist statist monkey
I can do no wrong
My brain’s completely full
My brain’s completely full
Tide Pods in my mouth and my mind
I can do no wrong
The thing you hate the most? Well, I think it is completely anodyne
Don’t smash your fingers closing the window of opportunity
The periodic table of reality
The periodic table of haircuts
Ain’t too proud to just vibe
Baby you can slash my tires
All my friends are imaginary
I can do no wrong
Going ham with a chainsaw on a tree
I can do no wrong
My brain’s completely full
My brain’s completely full
You can’t fire me because I am dead
I can do no wrong
I can do no wrong
I can do no wrong
I can do no wrong
I can do no wrong
|
||||
Cheekface Los Angeles, California
merch: houseshoes.online
tickets: linktr.ee/cheekface
gigs: greg.horbal@teamwass.com
press: jamie@noearbuds.com
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