i honestly cant believe the normal amount of wanting to be another gender is zero. like arent you sick of yours yet lol
cis ppl how often do you consider being different gender/less gender/more gender
never
every few years
about once a year
about once a month
once or twice a week
daily
not cis
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people with cis mutuals rb this pleeeeaseee
This may surprise you, but the normal amount to think about yourself as the opposite sex is… as often as you yourself happen to think about it. Lots of cis people I know think about it, or, if they don’t now, then they went through intense times of questioning it. Especially when they were quite young (IE under 25) and establishing an adult sense of self identity. Conditions like autism also increase the likelihood of a person exploring their relationship to gender in more detail.
I see a lot of cute, snappy rhetoric flying about that amounts to “thinking about this at all ever means you must be trans! Congrats on cracking your egg!”
Listen, there’s obviously nothing wrong with being trans. Let’s just establish that right away. Something I don’t see discussed at all though, is how there is also nothing wrong with going through this process of questioning, enjoying exploration, having an atypical relationship with gender, and still identifying as cis. Cis doesn’t translate to “boring.” There are so many ways to be what and who you are. Anyone who tells you otherwise is being a bit of a binarist, which is kind of the opposite of rainbow flag ideology as I have always understood it.
You can go through life and think about this stuff, often, and it means exactly as much or as little as you want it to mean, in the grand scheme of things. Better questions to ask yourself that can lead to a more advanced insight are things like, when you think about yourself as the opposite sex, what are you imagining yourself to be doing? What about your life is different? What are the experiences you hope to have? Is there a way to have those experiences now? If not, why? If so, why?
Transition is going to be right for some people. For most people, it’s going to be about taking the time to get to know yourself well, and seeing how all those interacting aspects fit within your life.
I am a woman. I was born that way. For about 7 years, I lived my young adult life as a man. I used a male name, wore binders and packers, identified as trans, participated in society as a guy to the best of my ability. I’m glad for the things I learned about myself and my identity during that time. One of the most important things I learned was that I didn’t have to change just to be me, and that I could be myself successfully even when those around me refused to agree with my self-perception. I learned that there are more important things in life than what existed or not between my legs, and how others chose to define me was neither in my control, nor was it particularly important. I came to understand my reactions to things and the source of them. I became comfortable with my body as it is, and accepted that I didn’t need to fit into anyone’s stereotype to be a woman. Being a woman is the least interesting thing about me. Being a gender is the least interesting thing to me about anybody else, by the same token!
Sometimes when I explain this, I get told that I was never really trans, and to those people, I offer an emphatic “fuck off.” I absolutely was. I know in my heart what I was thinking and how I felt. For 7 years. That’s not an insignificant amount of time and energy.
I also know that if the idea had been offered to me that who I was, how I was, was already good enough, that I might not have felt such a powerful desire to change into something else. If I’d been told that I didn’t need to fit into anybody else’s conception of what a man or a woman was, maybe I wouldn’t have tried so hard to.
Think about yourself as the opposite sex as much as you want. Explore it as much as you need. It doesn’t need to define you, unless you decide it is a defining characteristic.
