Our more committed followers (hi mom) will recall that about a week ago a blithe remark was made here about “gryphon-like talons” that “protrude from ancient Birkenstocks”. This was both unserious and and also false, as the Paper Hound dress code explicitly forbids sandals without socks. So it was with no small amount of horror and squick that an actual gryphon-like talon was discovered on the floor this morning. This is EXACTLY THE REASON we cannot be the 24-hour used bookshop this city sorely needs: neither one of us wants to be here at midnight when some Vasa Mortis clambers out of a dusty bestiary and does whatever cryptids do in their spare time. We close at 6pm! Every day! Including Monday despite the stat holiday!
Here’s the deal: for ten months out of the year, you get a cozy nook run by pleasant humans clad in tweedy layers who are open to all manner of literary chitchat. The trade-off is that in July and August you enter a narrow kiln cloistering clammy nerds whose gryphon-like talons protrude from ancient Birkenstocks and whose conversational trajectory always arcs towards their quixotic pursuit of an elusive cross-breeze. That may sound unappealing, so we do try to keep the display cheerful; voiçi a hound’s-eye view for the discerning window-shopper enjoying a summer’s breeze!
“Oh dear” sobbed the bookseller “I haven’t posted anything to our various social media channels for weeks, I’m just totally uninspired and awfully busy doing other things!”
“Not to fret” replied her pinafored confidante “it’s the Internet and you are a trifling mote of dust. Nobody has noticed and nobody cares!”
“Well that’s a relief” said the bookseller. “I do need to eventually let the public know that we will be open our usual hours of 10 to 6 on Canada Day, though that’s not until Monday.”
“Might as well say it here and now” cooed the sympathetic matron, correctly perceiving that she was unlikely to return to the keyboard before the long weekend. And so she did, and then settled like the insignificant speck that she was among the dusty books, so comforting in their indifference.
Colony populations of King Penguins (the flightless aquatic birds) are quantified in numbers of breeding pairs. Two recent purchases have endowed us with over a hundred King Penguin volumes (the illustrated books, also flightless), and the prospect of coupling them off to go hatch an egg has us wondering who pairs with whom? Do “Edible Fungi” and “Poisonous Fungi” balance to produce a holistic union? “A Book of Ducks” and “Birds of the Sea” share webbed feet, but would exotic “Birds of La Plata” eventually come between them? Meanwhile, “Greek Coins” and “Some British Beetles” have nothing in common but that can give a relationship a certain zest. To be sure, we will sell them off as singletons, but please remember that books are social creatures and thrive in groups, also known as “libraries”. Best to buy a flock.
There are three hallmarks of a classical used bookshop:
- A hard-to-open front door (check)
- Prices marked in pencil on the flyleaf (check)
and
- Minimum one vessel designated for catching drips from a persistent and unsolveable leak (it’s taken almost eleven years, but finally….check).
Please don’t move this small cup! It is a marker of our authenticity.
A young girl, not quite kindergarten age, approached the till and with great gravity inquired “where are the MUMMY BOOKS?”
“Mommy books?” replied the idiot behind the counter (moi), “Do you mean books for your mommy to read to you? Or books that mommies like to read by themselves?”
Realizing that she was dealing with a fool, the young customer deftly drew a pyramid shape in the air. “MUMMY BOOKS” she enunciated slowly and deliberately, her tone indicating the tested patience of one who knows exactly what she wants but not how to spell it. From across the shop, the homophonous guardian clarified “The ones wrapped in bandages.”
Here at the Paper Hound, we hope to not be so superstitious and Orientalist as to believe in a "Mummy’s Curse” but we do seem fated to relive this embarrassing memory of withering infantile scorn every time a title of the genre surfaces (even a properly obscure one like this 1910 Australian detective story).
Some Victoria bookshop bookmarks from our archives on Victoria Day. A couple of these (Munro’s and Ivy’s) are still open, and in spite of the holiday, so are we! From 10-6.
Mother’s Day approaches. Celebrate your Queens!
This 1951 cover makes me:
(A) Want to start collecting books featuring bookshelves on the dust jacket.
(B) Marvel at the topical scope and output of historian Bernard DeVoto.
© Crave a dry martini in a dim salon amongst tender acquaintances.
Of course there are no wrong answers, but only (A) will offer you a benign and joyful quest that will keep you wandering into used bookshops for the term of your natural life. We choose (A) with a © chaser!
Untethered as it is to a fixed date, Canadian Independent Bookstore Day is a moveable feast that we only remember when confronted by its imminent approach and the subsequent realization that we’ve invited everyone over for a (metaphorical) grand banquet and haven’t even assembled a grocery list. Luckily we’ve done this before! On the menu for this coming Saturday, April 27th, we have the usual fare:
- A basically festive mood.
- Bring a wire clothes hanger and we will twist it into a unique bookstand for you, à la balloon-man.
- For the fourth year in a row, champion swimmer, binner extraordinaire, and Hound habitué Murray White will be on hand to do the end-of-day draw for two excellent prizes.
- Gallery Hound will be open for anyone curious to see our remarkable collection of framed poetry broadsides and/or use the loo.
In addition:
- We will have our resident poodle Shelly K on shift from 10-12. He will be happy to shake a paw, kiss a baby, pose for pictures and generally campaign for the elected office of your heart.
- Poet and longtime Friend of the Hound Kevin Spenst will be on deck from 2-3 for an “Ask Me Anything, I’m an Open Book” session. Ask him to read from his latest collection from Anvil Press “Bouquet Brought Back from Space”, ask him what a chapbook is and how are they made, ask him to summarize Finnegans Wake in one elegant sentence sung in a persuasive baritone: he is an Open Book and he is at your disposal.
Finally, this year’s draw will ask you to decide whether you are a Bookstore Nostalgist or a Bookstore Futurist. Cast your ballot in the fishbowl associated with your chosen attitude for a chance to win one of two intriguing prizes:
A) For the Nostalgist: a tote bag with copies of The Art of the Literary Poster and Penelope Fitzgerald’s bitter and brilliant “The Bookshop”, a selection of vintage bookmarks from defunct Vancouver indies, and a wee bottle of vodka to pour out for our fallen indie brethren (or sip while you read Gogol, whatever).
B) For the Futurist: a tote bag brimming with Destination Bookstore vouchers. This is The Seafarer’s Special, so named because you’ll need to catch a ferry, or at least a SeaBus, to redeem your gift certificates to our fabulous friends at Helicon Books in North Vancouver, Reasons to Live in Gibsons, and Sorensen’s Books in Victoria.
Whew! Being an indie isn’t always easy, but at least there’s never a higher-up in corporate telling you to keep your communications coherent and brief! See you on Saturday!